Crazy Random Life

Weird Dreams

2012-02-13T05:55:00.006-07:00

Caution, if birds creep you out, you really should not read this.
Most of my life I have had very vivid dreams. I generally remember a great deal of them, and they are pretty adventurous. Lately I have still been having very vivid wild dreams. However, almost nightly now I have been dreaming about dead birds. Now, dead birds creep me out immensely ( I mean really, who doesn't get a little creeped out by loads of dead birds), so it's horrible to have them all over in my dreams. Usually I am dreaming that I am going about my day either running off to work or going to the gym or something but I have to keep moving to avoid all the dead birds on the ground. And last night I dreamed that I was just trying to get into my old apartment but I had to climb the railing to get up there because the stairs were covered with bird carcasses. It's creepy! And not just one type of bird, although usually pigeons, but also little yellow and black birds as well. It's weird. And creepy. And gross. I don't even like any birds at all anymore. Hmm, I wonder what the symbolism of so many dead birds is? Any suggestions?

Six Months

2012-01-25T16:17:00.002-07:00

Well I have officially lived here for 6 months. Half a year. Wow. I have to say, it's turned out not remotely like I thought it would when I moved here. It feels like so much longer. I had too high of expectations when I came here. I still feel like I want to turn and run away from it all. Sadly, life doesn't always give us what we want. I still wish I had a full time job, but any job right now is good to have. I may still wish things had worked out with the boy, but they didn't. Oh well, life really sucks like that sometimes.

So, instead of being mad that I don't have a better job, or crying because I got my heart broken, I think I need to take a more proactive route. What that is I'm not sure at the moment. I do know that I'll keep looking at jobs, full and part time and see what happens. I do think I'll start planning some real trips in the not too distant future. I have always wanted to see the world, but figured I should devote my resources to my future and family. Well, if I keep waiting for my future one day I'll wake up and realize I've missed it. I think my first stop is going to be Ireland. I've already been pricing tickets (can my pocketbook say ouch?I think if it could it would be) but it would be worth it. I do need to get healthy first, and get my student loans paid off, but if I am careful with my money it could be a possibility. Sadly, the airfare will probably cost almost as much as an entire week venture through the Emerald Isle, and since I'm that far a quick trip to London may be in order. I have a good friend in London whom I miss dearly and would love to see.

Nothing is set in stone at the moment, it all depends on my health and my finances. But it's on my bucket list. Oh, and Miss Kelsi or Sunshine, I think you are oh so invited should I go, I fully intend on spending the night in a castle at some point while I am there. Currently I am thinking September of 2013, or maybe May 2014. Those months are cheaper because it's not during the typical tourist season but the weather is still pretty nice.

PS, we should totally still plan our Europe trip in 28 years, you know who you all are ;)

Revolution!

2012-01-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right

You say you got a real solution
Well, you know
We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We're doing what we can
But when you want money
for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right
Ah

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah...
You say you'll change the constitution
Well, you know
We all want to change your head
You tell me it's the institution
Well, you know
You better free you mind instead
But if you go carrying pictures of chairman Mao
You ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right
all right, all right, all right
all right, all right, all right

*All lyrics property of the infamous Beatles rock band.

Bleh bleh and bleh

2012-01-06T22:55:00.001-07:00

What a night. It all started when I realized only yesterday that I had a wedding reception in Layton at 6 and a bridal shower in Provo at 7:30. I thought, hmm, I can make it to both if I rush in, say hi to the bride and groom, rush out and then book it down to Provo. Well the best laid plans.......

Traffic getting to Layton was horrendous, halfway there I wondered just how good of friends I was with these people that I was going through all the traffic, and big semi's-- I'm sure everyone I know knows my feelings on semi trucks being near me on the freeway. But it would be the first time I had seen a lot of my old friends for nearly half a decade, which would be nice I decided. I finally got into town a little after 6.
I was walking in thinking to see a few friends, grab food and run. Nope didn't happen. I thought after all this time I would have learned to keep my heart a little more guarded. Nope. Still haven't learned. I thought a little space was what I needed to get over him, nope. Why can't I be right about something?

I Ended up blowing off the bridal shower, partly due to the fact that I would have been an hour late and partly due to the fact that I didn't think I could handle any more wedding stuff. Decided I wanted to make sushi rolls for dinner, that would make me feel better. But even in this big ol' city do you think one can find a place that sells seaweed sheets after 8 at night? Nope. I couldn't find any in the stores that were still open. I may as well have been back in Cedar for all the luck I had. Finally settled on cream cheese won tons for dinner. Healthy I know (sarcasm intended). Went to three different stores to find those wraps as well. Was feeling slightly better after I got home and got some oil heated up. Then I couldn't find the tongs. The result of this is that tonight I learned that attempting to pull won tons out of hot (spitting) oil with a fork onto a plate merely results in burned fingers and a broken plate. Then do you think I could find a dustpan to even sweep all the broken glass into? Nope. I did find a piece of cardstock I used. but of course all the glass wouldn't sweep up very well, hence the cut finger.

Yep, it's been one of those nights.

The East side of the Canyon

2012-01-03T19:44:00.001-07:00

I've never been to the east side of Zions. I don't think I realized it was so vast, or that the road was quite so.... slightly terrifying? It might not have been had we not all been squished in like sardines. I was pretty much sitting on the lap of the girl next to me. All in all, successful journey, beautiful views, and we all survived. Even with one person in the back/trunk of the Subaru, and the fact that the driver drove up the middle of the road and jerked the car over whenever we met another car--which usually wasn't until the last minute (hence the terrifying part). And the fact that not a single person in the back seat could have worn a seat belt if we had wanted to. It was an excellent week however.
I went to several weddings, found out I have a few more this coming week plus another bridal shower. I wonder what is in the drinking water around here and where I can get some? I have at least 5-6 weddings to attend within a 3 week period (not including the two engagements announced over Christmas!) .
Anyways..... It was fun. And I actually felt like taking pictures again, hooray! Lately I had been feeling like I didn't care if I took pictures anymore, I never even had my camera with me anywhere I went (gasp, yes it's true!) I didn't even know where it was for about a week, then discovered the battery had been dead for ages.

So this sign is actually a 30 MPH sign. Normally I won't condone vandalism... but this made me laugh when I drove by it on my way into town.

It also gave me great pleasure to leave the dreary inversion of the city and head south. Just look at that smog! No wonder we haven't seen the sun for weeks around here. Seriously gross and scary looking.

At Zions we saw longhorn sheep next to the road, and we went through the tunnel. It was long and dark and very awesome.

Don't worry about this bridge, if you fall you will only fall several hundred feet into that deep ravine......

And what better way to end an excellent day of adventures than with barbecue. Sonny Boys' in Cedar has absolutely amazing food! I'm hoping that they will soon have a store in Salt Lake or Provo as well.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Christmas

2011-12-23T12:58:00.000-07:00

I love Christmas, I love the lights, the music and the smells. I definitely enjoy the tasty food. I also love how it tends to bring out the best in people. It can bring out the worst in some people as well, but I'm not going to spend time expounding that at the moment. I think that it's a time of year when children get to really be children and believe in magic. It's a time when adults get a chance to create a little magic not only for their children, but for their fellow man (ie, layaway angels I've been hearing on the news about).

It's a time to remember the Savior and to celebrate his birth (even if it didn't really happen in December, its nice to have a time set aside to celebrate it all the same). It's when we all have something in tie us together, to remember that we ought to value one another as individuals with all of our differences. To remember that we are all children of the same God, and to treat each other as such.

So, with so much awesomeness, what can there possibly be to hate about Christmas? Well, it's a bit personal. Very personal rather, I have been debating if I would post this, but writing seems to be very therapeutic to me to get things out.

Christmas is a time to be with family. It's a time to celebrate family. And sometimes for me it's a just a reminder that I come from a very dysfunctional family and don't really fit in anywhere. I know everyone's families have their problems and have dysfunctional moments. But mine really is. I remember as a child I would sit at the kitchen window and dream about the day when I could just get in my car and drive away and never come back. It's a horrible thing for a child to think, but I did. I do not enjoy spending time at my parents house, it is so full of negative energy and bad memories. The longer I am there the more I am down on myself and depressed. I often leave feeling like I am only three inches tall.
I am so very different from anyone in my immediate family. My mother and I in particular do not see eye to eye on, well, just about anything you can imagine. I often feel that she is constantly irritated at me for everything I do. I feel that she wants me to be one sort of person, but I am another entirely. This may sound somewhat vague, I don't know, but the details I could on about would take days, weeks even to sort through. But what I need to realize is that I am an adult and do not need my parents approval to feel like I am a good person, easier said than done.

So when the holidays roll around, I generally enjoy them but I dread Christmas eve coming around. I dread going to my parents house. While living down south with no car, it was not too difficult for me to find excuses to stay. I usually had a job that would not allow me to leave anyway, and everyone around me would say "Oh you poor thing!" but I never really minded staying to work every holiday. Now I have a week off work and the holiday is fast approaching. I love the holiday in general, but would gladly skip the actual day in a heartbeat.

Hmmmm.......

2011-12-06T18:20:00.002-07:00

Hmmmm well I have nothing too terribly exciting to blog about. Life is pretty much the same. I go to work, I go home, I get headaches more frequently again (not just little headaches, headaches that make me lock myself in a dark room headaches) but on the upside I have more days where I feel well enough to eat real food. Meaning, anything other than jello, pudding or other soft and unsatisfying substance. Hoping for good weather next weekend to go south for a day or two. Warm weather sounds very enticing at the moment.

Speaking of the weather, I don't know if my memory is just faulty or what the deal is, but I do not really remember being this bitter cold in Cedar. I'm sure it was to be honest, but I have just conveniently forgotten it as I've been gone for so long. And in the heat of a southern summer it is very very easy to forget the bitterness of the wintertime.

However, I do seem to recall a few memorable winters in Utah's Dixie. My sophmore year of college we had a bunch of people over to play games and a huge blizzard sprang up and some of the people ended up sleeping on our couch because they couldn't get their cars out. A friend brought his truck over and pulled them out the next morning.
Another time there was a huge ice storm and everything was frozen solid. I don't know how the driving was, I had no car. But walking was fun. Did I say walking? I meant sliding and skating on the frozen roads and sidewalks.
That same year our furnace broke, we had no heat. It was COLD in that house. Our bishop lent us his nice space heater and we slept in the living room near the space heater for a month. We covered the doorways with something like plastic or blankets or something and just camped out in the family room, slept on the couches. At the time I was highly miserable, being cold all the time and stuff, but I sometimes I miss those days in some ways. I miss the people more than the circumstances at any rate.
I remember dancing in the falling snow in the parking lot behind the Villa apts with an old boyfriend, and I remember making snowmen in the front yard with my roommates. I also remember one night during a light snow storm I went on a walk with my roommates and we were running up our street falling into random yards making snow angels.
I also remember walking to work in snow so deep I was practically doing bunny hops through the knee high drifts.
All in all, snow isn't so bad. I just dread driving in it, or having to trudge through it to get to work and then sit in my office in wet clothes for several hours.

Happy Memories

2011-11-18T16:00:00.000-07:00

Title says it all. Lyrics are in no way mine, I think they belong to Billy Joel or someone who wrote them for him maybe? Who knows, I just love this song.

Piano Man

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Makin' love to his tonic and gin

He says, "Son, can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes."

la la la, di da da
La la, di di da da dum

Chorus:
Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us all feelin' all right

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke and he'll light up your smoke
But there's some place that he'd rather be
He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me."
As his smile ran away from his face
"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place"

Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talkin' with Davy, who's still in the Navy
And probably will be for life

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessman slowly gets stoned
Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinkin' alone

Chorus
sing us a song you're the piano man
sing us a song tonight
well we're all in the mood for a melody
and you got us all feeling alright

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been comin' to see
To forget about their life for a while
And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, "Man, what are you doin' here?"

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Chorus:
sing us a song you're the piano man
sing us a song tonight
well we're all in the mood for a melody
and you got us all feeling alright

Tidbits

2011-11-10T14:46:00.003-07:00

I heard a great story from my cousins the other day. I have embellished only a little bit since I was not present at this event and can only derive some things from the times I have heard this story told to me.

When my cousins were little, my aunt worked a lot and was gone most of the day. My uncle worked from home. When C and J were 6 and 4 respectively, they had an minor adventure that has been often repeated.

One day C and J were hungry. Their mom was at work, their dad was in the basement also working. They went downstairs to ask for lunch and their dad told them to be patient and he would come up shortly to get them something to eat. Well, the kids did not want to wait until later, they were hungry right then. So, without bothering to put shoes on (as it was summertime) they went out the door, down the street and rang the neighbors doorbell. When the neighbor opened his door he was surprised to two little children looking up at him with sad faces. "We're hungry, can you feed us?" asked C. The neighbor was shocked, but took them in and fed them peanut butter and jelly sandwich's.

When his wife got home she was also surprised to see the two children sitting at the table happily munching away at their sandwiches. She called their mother, who was slightly horrified and apologized profusely while thanking the kindly neighbors for taking in her children. The neighbors were highly amused at the whole thing. I was also highly amused, hence I attempted to put to words the entertaining events which I have heard told repeatedly.

Gratitude=Attitude

2011-11-07T16:07:00.001-07:00

Lately I have found myself feeling less grateful for what I have. I feel that this directly correlates to some rather alarming trends I have noticed about myself. The less I am grateful for what I have, the less I care about anything, and the more selfish I become. The more selfish I become, the more I run on empty.

I find myself being frustrated at how alone I suddenly have become, focusing too much on old friends who have moved on with their lives and are really now no more than casual aquantances, if that. This has been incredibly difficult, some of these people were friends I swore I would stay in touch with and still care about deeply. I then feel bad that I haven't exherted the energy I would liked to have on the friends that I do have, who actually contact me to hang out. Unfortunately, when this occurs it is usually a day I am so drained that I can barely drive myself home from work. I think my new goal will be to schedule my "good days" better so that I can be a better friend. I am so grateful to my roommates who have really been there, despite the fact that they are all so busy with school/jobs/church callings/planning weddings and the like. It seems that no matter how often I add that to my little lists I am making it will never adaquately express how grateful and happy I am to have such amazing friends.
So, in conclusion I am going to think of at least 2 things every day to be grateful for, and not berate myself if some things are dumb or worldly or shallow.

--Awesome friends and roommates (well, old roommates but awesome all the same)
--Smoothies cause I can actually eat them
--Dr. Horrible's sing along blog
--Chuck
--Harry Potter (the books, the movies, they both entertain me for hours)
--Baby asprin
--whoever it was that invented powerade
--libraries
--warm sweaters
--warm blankets
--warm anything when its cold outside
--days I don't have to scrape ice off my windsheild
--national parks
--legs

Epic Weekend: Bryce, Chuck, and Three Little Nuns

2011-10-30T19:04:00.001-06:00

At long last I went to visit the land of red rocks and warmth. I didn't even have to scrape ice off my car the entire time I was there-- it was great. Thursday afternoon I decided I didn't care if I was broke on all fronts, so I just ended up taking off for the weekend and seeing who was there. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of friends I got to see or spend time with. I spent the entire weekend visiting Bryce, chatting with three little nuns, and watching Chuck. It was an epic weekend.
On my random adventures I saw many interesting things. In Fillmore I saw a big bear, and what I think is a buck deer. There was a sign that said not to climb on them sadly enough.

Although exhausting, this trip completely recharged me, I went from feeling like I was 90 to only 60.

But back to the positive side, Bryce Canyon was AMAZING! It wasn't even cold up there, perfect hiking weather. I think that spur of the moment trips seem to agree with me rather.

Dear John

2011-10-27T05:45:00.001-06:00

Dear Dating Life,
I know that time and time again I swear off of you only to come back as soon as I see some attractive man I have interest in. But this is it, we're done. I know that my dearest friends will try to tell me that there are many fish in the sea, that there is someone out there for me, but I am done. He does not exist. The constant rejection is getting too much for me--I cannot currently handle the roller coaster you put me on. I will never again have a boy break my heart. I will never again look at myself in the mirror and wonder what is wrong with me. I will never again wonder if I had just been better/funnier/prettier/smarter if "he" --whichever "he" was in my sights at the time at the time-- would have stuck around. The end. No chance of reconciliation.

The Haunted Locker Room?

2011-10-21T13:37:00.000-06:00

Is the locker room at the gym haunted? I don't know. I've only ever been during daytime when it's fairly busy. But last weekend I was restless and needed to get out one evening. That trip was an interesting one.

When I first walked in I could hear a water faucet running from the bathroom but thought nothing of it because, after all, it was a bathroom. However, the lights were not on, and the lights are regulated by motion sensors, which later left me wondering how the water was running and then stopped all the while the lights never came on.

This in and of itself may not have weirded me out as much, mostly because I would not have thought much about it if it were not for the later events.

After I got back into the locker room, I again noticed that the sensor lights were off as I walked in and the room was cool (in a the lights have not been on for awhile cool). I changed and went in to the restroom to wash my hands. Behind me I heard a toilet flush. Again, not thinking too much about this, but as I was looking in the mirror I realized that I could not see anyone else in the room with me. No one was coming out of any of the stalls. I shrugged and went over to get a paper towel to dry my hands. Then the paper towel dispenser on the other side of the bathroom went off an shot out about a foot of paper towel. I froze for a minute and slowly turned to look at the dispenser, then the air hand dryer that was next to the dispenser went off, very noisily, making me jump about a foot. This was one weird noise too many for me. At that point I took off and ran out of the room.

While every single one of these events could have some perfectly logical, scientific explanation. And I'm quite sure that somewhere out there, someone could explain it all. But to me the chances of all of these events happening are still rare, and it still creeped me out just a little.

Things I am Grateful for

2011-10-19T16:05:00.000-06:00

It's strange how lately I find myself loving things I used to rather dislike on various levels for various reasons. Social media being a good example here. However, I am now finding that things I used to have mixed feelings about for whatever reason I now am grateful I have, or some of these things I just liked to begin with in all honesty. Like sleep. I have always like sleep, just not to the excess I have been doing it in recent weeks.

-Sleep
-new pajamas
-movies
-Jamba Juice
-old roommates
-texting
-free phone upgrades
-social media (yes, believe it or not the day has come when I am promoting social media! I can type instead of talk, which is much easier lately, and keep in touch with people who live far away who I don't see on an ongoing basis)
-gift cards that I can get movies and crafts with to keep me occupied
-ice packs for achy joins and muscles
-asprin
-ice cream

Nothin much

2011-10-07T20:33:00.002-06:00

Nothing new going on.... just bored out of my mind. Nothing too exciting, oh, other than my cousin forgot he left a stove burner on this morning. Fortunately my other cousin came home and saw it and turned it off before it burned the house down. Although we did discover that aluminum foil when used on the stove plates does not burn, it melts. Into cool little lumps of silvery stuff.Or maybe the lumps were the pan that was burned, I don't know exactly, I just know it smelled absolutely horrible.
I've never been a very good at being patient while sick. It's just plain boring. Especially when I'm tired. Especially when I don't have the energy to find something besides sweats to put on and go out in this nasty cold weather. And especially when thyroid problems make your metabolism slow waaay down, combined with inactivity do great harm to your clothing budget and even more to your self esteem.
At least my arm bruises are looking lots better. Too bad my attitude isn't getting any better. I always hear how timing is everything, well, this timing sucks. Royally. I am far away from everything familiar and comfortable to me. I am tired and broke (in more ways than one) and have no energy or money to go out and actually do anything even if I knew people who were not busy with school or kids who could invite me to go out and do things anyway. Most nights anyway. some nights are better than others, usually the nights after I've slept all afternoon are anyway. This week has pretty much been the lowest point I remember being at in several years. I think that has not helped my attitude, or actually I think that the two feed each other. Bad events, I feel like none of it is in my control and get angry and resentful at the world, which in turn continues to throw rocks at me. Which in turn leaves me wondering what I could possibly have done that was so horrible to warrant all the rocks being thrown at me.

Grrr

2011-10-03T16:56:00.006-06:00

So apparently when your thyroid is messed up you go a little nuts, and by nuts I mean slightly psychotic. I hate being sick, I hate being tired and I hate being over emotional about everything. It sucks, really. You know what really sucks? Not being able to do anything about being sick. Oh and actually giving money to doctors to poke sharp needles at you. Yeah that's worse.
I hate being angry for no apparent reason, and I hate crying for no apparent reason. I hate stupid boys who break my heart, unintentionally or otherwise. This poor guy just got a not so nice tongue lashing, yeah I'm a jerk sometimes. I didn't even mean to, we were just chatting and something he said struck a chord and suddenly all the anger from that and then some was unleashed on him. All this hurt and anger just boiled over. And the poor guy never knew what hit him. I hate being so freaking over emotional. I think I just ruined a friendship with one of my oldest and most trusted friends for no good reason. stupid stupid stupid.

When it rains it pours. The fact that my entire life has been turned upside down is not helping the whole, you know, being pysoctic thing. Maybe it's a good thing I moved away from all my friends.... cause I might not have had any left had I stayed where I was. Hopefully these over priced and brilliant doctors will fix me soon..... so I will not want to sleep all day, and so I will actually still have friend's to hang out with before I drive them all away.

Oh yeah, anyone have any ideas as to how I can forget that today ever happened? Or just a time machine so I can go back in time and erase all the events of today? And I mean everything, from the irrational tirade at some poor boy to kicking my desk at work (didn't do me a bit of good, finally get a desk and I kick it, lame) to the giant bruises in my arms from needles, to the doctor telling me all those needles did not do any good because the tests really don't tell them exactly why my body is so messed up, let alone how to begin to fix it.
All I wanted to do was go see Bryce canyon before I go submit myself to the evil needles and tests and all the fun stuff that comes with that. Just one trip to forget that life sucks at the moment and remember that there is still good in the world to be had. But with gas being almost $4 a gallon and my medical bills piling up quickly that's not going to happen.

Story of my life

2011-10-03T15:41:00.000-06:00

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl...

All lyrics property of whoever wrote the lyrics to "Wicked"

The Last of the Summer flowers

2011-09-26T19:25:00.000-06:00

Well the last one is slightly out of focus, but I can't believe it's already autumn.

Just thoughts

2011-09-24T10:00:00.000-06:00

As much as I rant about not getting set up on dates, and tell my family that I am fine being single...... sometimes I wonder if it's wrong to wish, even just for a moment that I wasn't. Just to wish I had someone to come home to at night, someone to talk things over with. Sometimes I wish I was still in the same state of mind I was 6 months ago, I was happier being single at that point in life. So what changed? I don't know. How do I get back to that frame of mind? I wish I knew.

And now there are more

2011-09-18T23:00:00.000-06:00

Now that my computer has mysteriously stopped losing my pictures-- just as mysteriously as it started losing them-- I have pictures to once again post. It seemed that for awhile half of the pictures I uploaded just disappeared, they were not in the recycle bin, I could find them when I tried to search for hidden files, they were just gone. This led me to be not happy. Anyone who knows me knows that one does not mess around with my pictures, I'm rather protective of them.
So.. drum roll please, I finally found something that I like about being up north. I can go places in a day trip that were previously hours away. I know, I know, I make it sound like everything about living on the Wasatch front is horrible, it's just that living in the great big city is not my style. There are certain perks, however, I am considerably closer to downtown Salt Lake, I even got to ride a train the other day, it was fun.

Elevators

2011-09-15T15:00:00.003-06:00

I overheard a funny story today that entertained me greatly.
J goes down to UVU for a meeting last week. He had a projector he was taking up on a rolling cart, hence he took the elevator. Well, the elevator stalled while he was in it. So he called campus security because he didn't know what to do.
J: "Hello? yes I'm stuck in an elevator in the student center."
Operator: "I'm sorry I didn't catch that, could you repeat it?"
J: "Yes, I was on my way to a meeting in the student center and I got in the elevator and it stalled-- it won't move!"
Operator: "so, the elevator is broken and it won't move?"
J: "Yes that's correct."
Operator: "Could you just take the stairs instead?"
Silence
J: "um if I wasn't already stuck inside the elevator I could have. Actually, no, I have a cart, so I couldn't have taken the stairs to begin with."
More silence
Operator: "So you're saying that you can't take the stairs, is there another elevator you could take?"
J: "No, I am stuck inside the elevator. I am inside the elevator and it is stuck."
Operator: "Would you like me to see if I could find someone to come look at the elevator then?"
J: "YES! please!"
Operator: "All right let me call around and see if I can find a repairman to come look at the elevator but it will probably be later on this afternoon, so you may want to find another way to get to your meeting."
J: "Gah!! Seriously?!"
Silence, the operator appeared to have hung up.
Moral of the story, don't ride in the elevators at UVU. Eventually J did indeed escape the elevator, he did not make it in time for his meeting however.

Well intentions may not always be correct

2011-09-11T18:07:00.000-06:00

So how do you tell well intentioned people that they are doing more harm than good. If you say it nicely they don't listen, I would imagine if you say it not nicely they would get hurt and offended. They are so concerned that I do not date enough. They keep asking me about it and pushing me to go to more singles activities. I do not have the energy or motivation to try and meet and woo men right now. If a man wants to ask me out on a date, then he has to make the effort because I am to exhausted to do the whole peacock dance anymore.
It begins: You dress up, do your hair nice when you know you are going to see him, you get twitterpated when he's around, you laugh and try to flirt with him, hoping he notices you. It ends: eventually you wake up and realize he doesn't seem to see you in a dating sense, you are the little sister or the "friend". And that is all you will ever be to them.
All I have gotten out of the dating world is continual broken hearts. I am not obsessing over being single so I don't know why people around me are. I figure there are far worse things than being single the rest of my life. The more they talk the worse I feel. I wonder what is wrong with me that I don't get asked out. And the fact that they are all so concerned just makes me more concerned.

Sometimes I Forget

2011-09-07T17:33:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I forget what wonderful friends I have. Even when I am being a hermit and a brat they are still there for me. I have not always had as good of luck with friends in the past, and maybe this has clouded my judgement on things in the present. Reading the roommate blog made me smile, and I need to stop being such a hermit. For reals this time, and I apologize for being a hermit for, well, since I moved here pretty much.

I need my muses back!

2011-08-31T19:12:00.001-06:00

Mostly I need my car to pass inspection in the next two days so that I can drive it again. Then I can go visit my muses. I think that's why the past couple of weeks have been torture, I have no way to escape city life with my car on the blitz. If only things would work out then maybe, just maybe I could get away for a weekend now and then.
The End

More adventures of being single

2011-08-22T20:00:00.002-06:00

Conversation at work today between two of my coworkers went something like this:

S: "So this new guy I hired, he's a genius at using the new software, I'm sure glad we found him-- this younger generation knows how to use computers so well it never ceases to amaze me."
L: "Oh you hired a new guy? I heard something about that," (pauses to look at me significantly) "So you said he's young? How old is he?"
S: "Oh mid to late 20's I believe."
L: "Ah, so he's about the same age as our young lady over here (indicates me) here. Is he single? And is he attractive?"
Even longer pause as I glance up to see two mischevious sets of eyes on me. Both ladies are grinning ear to ear.
S: "Yep he's single all right. And he really is attractive, if you like the tall dark handsome type that is."
I kept silent during this whole exchange, really, what could I possibly say.

Attitude check: epic failure

2011-08-21T22:39:00.000-06:00

So this week has done nothing for my goal to have a better attitude. Yeah. I won't go into the depressing details, lets just say that computer problems + car problems at the same time never have equaled me being positive and happy. Especially when nothing is being done to get either resolved. The end.

Just Because

2011-08-19T20:36:00.000-06:00

"Forget Yourself and Go to Work"

2011-08-15T21:12:00.001-06:00

I remember a talk I heard by President Gordon B Hinkley several years back. He was talking about his mission and how difficult a time he was having during his first few months out on his mission. He wrote home expressing his frustration with his circumstances expressing concern that he was simply wasting time and resources in a fruitless endeavor. His father responded in short: "Gordon, forget yourself and go to work." President Hinkley certainly took these words to heart, and truly dedicated his life to the service of the Lord as well as his fellow men.
This is good council to follow I think, for all of us. Keeping physically and mentally active is good. Time and good works help to heal a lot. These thoughts were mulling in my brain while I was working on a service project this past weekend. I have not had much opportunity for physical exertion since moving and working outdoors and pulling weeds and such was amazing.
I guess where I'm trying to go with this thought is that eventually one does begin to get accustomed to insane drivers and traffic, even if you still silently freak out every time a car whips past you or stops mere inches from your back bumper at the light. Broken hearts can begin to heal--however slowly-- even if one day you are fine and the next you are in tears again. And eventually things get more familiar, you only get lost twice a week instead of daily. You can slowly accept that you will not understand everything that is, even if you still wish you had a crystal ball instead.
Ok, so I'm kind of adjusting to the fact that nearly everything in my life has been turned upside down in the past couple of weeks. I'm not saying that I am entirely happy with how things are.... but I'm oh so slowly learning to accept that I cannot control most of what is going on and that's just the way it is. I may not like feeling like I have so little control over my life at present, but that is the way it is for the time being and short of quitting my job and becoming a bum on the streets, there is very little I can do that will make my life better at present and the best thing I can do is to accept it.
A quote on a talk by Elder John B Dickenson comes to mind: "I had only one arm. I could do very little about that. But my attitude about it, and life in general, was up to me."
Well, I'm living in a city I don't love, being single which I don't love, but there is very little I can do about either of those circumstances. So I guess it's time I got an attitude change. We shall see how it goes.

Chicken Soup for the Soul

2011-08-15T18:04:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time my parents were big on the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Here is an excerpt from one of the books that entertained me greatly: (no copyright intended, all anecdotes are property of Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul "What I wish I had known sooner")

-Don't drink grapejuice while wearing a white t-shirt and driving to school.
-Don't let your life wait for other people.
-Dropping a cell phone into a bathtub full of water kinda kills the phone.
-Your mother will find out if you dye your hair purple.
-If it hurts, DON'T DO IT AGAIN
-That which does not kill you will ultimately make you stronger
-Don't sprint around the pool if you're trying to impersonate Jim from Huck Finn
-Zits always pop up when you really can't afford for them to pop up
-All that's gold doesn't glisten
-When in doubt, duck. When certain, don't bother cause you're already screwed.
-When driving a car through a gate, always, always, make sure the gate is open-- the consequences may be fatal to your car.
-If you're not living ( I mean really living), you're already dead.
-Never pierce your belly button in the dark.
-Being nice to people will get you far.
-Dreaming and doing go hand in hand.
-Life moves fast, but not so fast that you can't slow down to enjoy it.
-Instead of waiting for life to get better, do something about it.
-The one person you can truly love is often right in front of you.
-Smart people can do very stupid things.

The adventures of being older, single,LDS, female, and living in Utah

2011-08-03T14:39:00.003-06:00

There are many.

First, people are always asking "Why is a nice girl like you is still single?" or "Now why hasn't someone snatched you up yet?" or "Why don't you date more?". To these I always shrug and say, I don't know-ask the guys! If I knew what I was doing to scare them all away I could possibly stop scaring them all away. (Barely refraining from adding the "duh" here)

Then you get the, Don't you want to get married? Ok, so this has only been asked of me a couple of times and by young 19-20 newlyweds that give you the big eyed stare as if you are dying of some disease or something. They assume that if you are still single it must be by your choice alone.

And lets not forget the constant "Oh I have a nephew/cousin/brother/neighbor/neighbors nephew/neighbors cousin/2nd cousin... who is older/shy/short/cute, so you two would be perfect for each other!" If I had a nickel for every time I've heard some variation on this phrase. Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment when it comes from my family or friends who mean well, but after so many setups/failures it does get a bit depressing. I don't do so well on set up dates... I just never know how to be myself.

And every time you get a wedding invite in the mail, the senders seem to get younger and younger. I have friends who graduated high school after I graduated college who are married or engaged. Then at the reception there are generally always the comments along the lines of "So when is it your turn young lady?" and "Better get up in front so you have better odds at catching that bouquet..." meaning I need all the luck I can get? At least I do run into old friends as well. At one in particular I remember seeing several of my good friends from high school. They were there with their husbands and kids. I remember looking around at all the happy couples with their children, busy discussing with one another plans for decorating and maintaining their houses and such. As I watched and caught snippets of conversation I couldn't help but think so, I have no degree (yet) no car, no house, no husband, no children... wow, I feel great right about now. The self pity wore off fairly quickly, but occasionally returns here and there.

On that topic, we have to bring up the "Everyone moves at their own pace, you just haven't moved on to that stage yet." Always, always mentioned by someone who has moved on to that stage. Also always mentioned by someone who really does care. It's good advice, but has never honestly made me feel better about the old single stage I am currently getting deeper and deeper into. It just makes me feel as though I am falling further behind where I would like to be in life and getting more stuck someplace I do not want to be.

Just because

2011-07-26T17:09:00.001-06:00

Just because the last few posts were novels... here's a nice short one :)

Everyone has their crosses to bear

2011-07-26T17:02:00.001-06:00

But only if no one can see it. Because apparenlty crosses are offensive. Even more so than the semi pornographic billboard I see just south of draper every time I am on the freeway. Or a majority of advertisements out there lately. Yep crosses are so much more offensive that we are not going to be allowed to put them up as memorials anymore. I guess it's the group that cries and whines the loudest that gets their way.

Ok, sarcasm out of my system now. I am somewhat angered by the recent verdict that crosses can no longer be used as roadside memorials to those who have given their lives serving their fellow man. I feel that if the family of the fallen officer do not want a cross, then that is one thing. It is something that should be up to them, NOT some group who is offended because they see a cross. Because they see a symbol of something that is different from what they believe. I do not see why it is such a huge deal to use crosses to honor those who have fallen-- unless so deemed inappropriate by their families. That being said if the families want a different memorial, by all means, allow them to do so. But to blatantly say that no one is allowed to use a cross is ridiculous. If they want it, they should have it. When I see a star of David in a window or something I am not offended. I am not Jewish, my ancestors were not even Jewish, but that does not mean that I should have the right to tell them to hide their religion.
If you do not want to be a Christian, then don't be! But do not tell others that they do not have to right to express themselves if they so desire.
This seems to go right along with my recent ideas regarding choices. These people allowed themselves to be offended by the crosses. It is only one group (who shall remain nameless here) that is acting out. There are many religions that do not use the cross as a strict symbol in their religion. This is a memorial that is not intended to offend or force anyone who does not believe in Christianity into doing so. It is simply meant to say, a good person died here, they gave their life so that you and I can live in a safer community.

Choices

2011-07-24T18:17:00.002-06:00

We all have choices to make in this life. Recently I have heard several comments along the lines of "Well, they chose this or that" as if because they chose something then we are free to judge.

For example the other day while driving I saw a homeless person staring off an overpass that we were on and I turned to the person next to me and made a comment about how sad it made me to see so many homeless in this town. He idle replied "well, they choose to be homeless, they could go get a job so it's their own fault. Don't let it get you down." This really struck me. Some people make poor choices that lead to their homelessness, but does this mean that we should not have compassion on them?
And not all homeless people are in that circumstance because of their own choices, but the choices of others. If someone is living paycheck to paycheck barely able to make enough to survive and then the company lays them off or goes out of business, then perhaps that person could become homeless. This was not because of any great wrong that the person committed, but in this economy jobs--even part time minimum wage jobs--are hard to come by. Try to imagine being homeless and filling out job applications--what do you put down as your address?

A recent news article I read was about a young woman who was killed and her body left stuffed under a mattress. I heard several rumors about her being into drugs. Many seemed to come to the conclusion that she was into drugs and therefore her murder was drug related and therefore it barely merited investigation. A comment was made on KSL that it seemed a fitting end for a druggie. I conclude that drug related or not, this is no fitting end for any human being. This commentator made a rash and heartless assumption with no real facts to back up such a claim. Not to mention what if this poor girls family were to read such a statement? Maybe she made poor choices, but none of us know what led her to do so. Not a single one of us can ultimately understand why she would choose such a lifestyle. But that does not mean that she is to be written off as just another druggie or that she deserved to be murdered at such a young age. She was a person who was loved by many and will be missed. Such circumstances also deserve compassion, not judgement.

I feel that regardless of if a person has made poor choices, that does not mean that it is my place to judge them. Whatever poor choices they have made is between them and God.
If we spent less time judging each other and more time trying to understand one another then I feel that there would be a lot more peace in the world. People would get along better.
Even if there is absolutely nothing you can do to better someone's situation, or if it honestly is a circumstance of their own poor choices, the very least we can do for one another is to have compassion and try to be understanding. After all, who knows when it will be me, or you that makes a poor choice, or a stupid mistake that leads to more than we anticipated it would.

Bad solution

2011-07-17T10:08:00.000-06:00

http://finance.yahoo.com/retirement/article/113133/smaller-raises-for-seniors-smartmoney?mod=retire-planning

With the current debt crises, why does congress not cut their own salaries? This was one of the hot ticket items that almost shut down the government a couple of weeks ago if I remember right. So many of our 'leaders' refuse to even consider giving up their lavish life styles and that second vacation house yet they expect seniors who have put into the system for their entire lives to modify their lives.

That being said, the social security system does need to be reformed. The amount of growth it will see as baby boomers retire is unsustainable. And far too many Americans use social security as their sole retirement-- which is not how it was intended to be used nor how it should be used. It just makes me irritated that our congress refuses to make sacrifices in the wake of the growing financial crises yet they expect everyone around them to make sacrifices. To someone who makes 200,000+ a year, a couple hundred a year less is not going to make a huge difference in their lifestyle. To a retire who makes a quarter of that amount, a couple hundred a year can be the difference between getting much needed medicines and food or not getting those items.

Another way that they could cut spending in a big way is by reforming the welfare program. I've already posted my thoughts on this subject and won't bore anyone with them a second time around except to say that if the country would just model the national welfare program after the LDS church welfare system things would run much more efficiently.

What to do when you're bored

2011-07-13T23:17:00.000-06:00

Play in the garden

Chase the cat around

Learn to like new foods

While not giving up on old delicious foods

Check out an awesome (work in progress) bike

Watch fireworks! (but only on holidays sadly enough)

Utah drivers or Salt Lake drivers?

2011-07-12T17:41:00.001-06:00

Welcome to Salt Lake! Beautiful mountains, sparkling lakes, trees and trails! And also some of the worst, most inconsiderate, rudest drivers I have ever had the misfortune to be around. And I have driven in St George in the summertime. And Logan, and Riverdale road during the week. And yet, Salt Lake, you top them all. St George was nothing to you, and the drivers there are often old and probably slightly senile.

For example, I slow down to trun and get honked at. I stop at a YELLOW light and get honked at. What is it with you people and your horns? Those I rolled my eyes at. But today, today tops them all. Driving up 4500 on my way to the store I notice a big construction type truck in my rear view. I don't think too much of it at first other than hoping he would slow down a little bit as he was coming up very fast on my bumper-- I could not speed up becasue I was already on the tail of the car in front of me hoping he wouldn't stop too suddenly. As I came to the intersection I was aware of the aforementioned truck behind me in the turn lane. I ignored him as I was busier watching the traffic. The light was green, but it was not an arrow. Meaning that I had to wait until there was sufficient clearance for me to turn. Well, the oncoming traffic was two lane and constant. There were not even gaps that I wondered if I should attempt to get through, no, there was a steady stream of traffic. Behind me I heard the truck honk at me. I simply rolled my eyes wondering if he had eyes to see the traffic. Then the light turned red and the other lane got to go. The next light was a green arrow. The second it turned green I heard a blaring horn behind me from the truck. I was already going, he did not need to be so impatient. Then as I was driving down the street he sped up past me (keep in mind here I was already going 5 over the speed limit) and I thought I heard yelling. I looked over to see him yelling apparently at me and flipping me off. I got to the store rather shaken up, I do not understand what I personally did that was so offensive that warranted this kind of behavior. For a minute I was truely afraid that he was going to try to run me off the road, really and honestly scared me. Is this how Sale Lake drivers act? No wonder you have the reputation for the worst drivers in the country. Oh, and thanks for the warm welcome into your city. It makes me feel so much happier about leaving my home and my friends to come here.
PS. I don't know that I EVER remember anyone honking at me before I came here.
PSS. Ok, so there are SOME good drivers here. I have seen some people be courteous, but they seem few and far between.

Where oh where have my muses all gone

2011-07-06T16:28:00.002-06:00

I have three muses. Correction, I had three muses. Now they are gone away and I have no more interesting thoughts to blog about. Sunshine, Kelsi, Shasm, you know who you are, we need to hang out soon. I am not loving the great white north so much. I have no friends, I have no muses. Hence I have no great thoughts swirling around in my head to blog about simply to put to paper (figuratively) just to clear my head of all the ideas I used to have running around like wild things. I need to return to the land of red rocks and visit all my friends. Hopefully I will make friends here soon. Sooner rather than later. On Sunday I found myself recalling a post by Kelsi titled, having friends at church is overrated. I was rather feeling the same way this past weekend.

PS. My cousins I'm staying with are amazing!! they are just all very busy and I don't see them very often.

Already Homesick

2011-06-22T23:02:00.001-06:00

Why does the right thing to do have to be so hard?

Sometimes

2011-06-18T00:01:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I wonder about people. I see so many amazing people who are kind and selfless that I wonder. I wonder what it is that makes them so incredibly good and what traits I could try to aquire to be more like them. I understand the desire to be so Christlike, but sometimes the actual execution of such intentions is more difficult.
But then I see so much bad in the world, so much greed, selfishness, back biting and intentional hurt that I wonder. I wonder why these people do such horrible things, I don't understand it. I understand stumbling, making mistakes, it happens to everyone. But I do not understand the intentional desire to do so. To want to intentionally do things that you know will hurt others? This I pray I never will understand in all honesty, I don't want to go down that road ever. I suppose its kind of like losing your temper and saying things you don't mean, but again, I suppose many people do that from time to time, but it is different than calmly and deliberately saying or doing something.I still cannot fathom constantly and calmly putting others down and hurting them just for the sake of doing so. And then walking away, seeming to feel no remorse for the pain such comments and actions cause. No, I do not understand this at all. I think I am grateful that I don't.

Peaceful

2011-06-15T21:05:00.002-06:00

Beauty

2011-06-15T21:04:00.001-06:00

The Mouse

2011-06-12T18:40:00.001-06:00

This little adventure can only be fully appreciated by those who know me well and know just how much I hate mice. They are dirty, creepy, disease ridden little creatures and I have never thought that they had any place anywhere in my house, ever. At this point I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor of my room waiting for my bed frame to arrive. We also had two fat yellow cats that lived with us: Toby and.. I don't remember the other one's name.

I was laying in bed, I was still in that comfortable half awake, half asleep state and was avoiding getting up on my one and only day to sleep in. Somewhere far off I kept hearing a scratching and scuffling noise. After a little while I began to wonder what the noise was. Slowly I pulled myself out of my warm blankets enough to look blurrily around the room. I didn't have to look far. Just above my head, within arms reach of my head, I saw a little grey mouse chewing on the edge of a cardboard box. I flew out of bed and down the hallway so fast that my feet barely touched the ground.
I rushed into the laundry room where the two yellow cats lay curled up on top of a pile of towels. I grabbed Toby off the pile ignoring his loud meows protesting his rude awakening.
Upon reaching my bedroom I saw no trace of the mouse but I now heard scuffling noises coming from under my desk. I stood on the only available chair in the room and yanked the desk away from the wall at the same time dropping Toby nearby so that he could chase the mouse. Toby never caught the mouse, but he did give it good chase and eventually they made their way out of my room-- which was fine by me. Eventually I think it either got out of the house or got caught in one of the numerous traps we had set around the house.

The Fire

2011-06-10T12:01:00.002-06:00

Another story from my past.....

One evening my roommate made little tins of banana bread which had spilt a fair amount in the oven. She had to work very early and we didn’t use the oven very often, so she figured she would clean it up when she got off work the following day.

The next morning I sleepily stumbled into the kitchen thinking that tater tots sounded like a tasty breakfast and turned on the oven to preheat. I then left the room to go down the hall and get ready for work. After a little while (it really wasn’t a very long time at all) I smelled something that seemed not quite right. I walked into the kitchen to find it filled with smoke. Heart pounding, I rushed over the oven and yanked open the door to see orange flames leaping up getting larger and larger. I slammed the door shut and did the first thing that came to mind. I started to yell. Loudly. I wanted my roommates to come help me. Now, I’m not a screamer, even when the giant crow nearly came in the window I didn’t scream; so this really shows how terrified I was. Then I remembered that I was the only one home. Trying to calm down I ran to the fridge and began pulling everything out until I found the baking soda. I must have dumped the entire box on those flames but at least they went out. For a little while all I could do was sit there on the kitchen floor shaking and holding an empty box of baking soda. And that was the first (hopefully the last?) kitchen fire I have ever started. I then proceeded to put away all of the food I had pulled out of the still open refrigerator.

The Crow

2011-06-09T22:34:00.001-06:00

So as I was going through some files and cleaning out my flash drive I came across a story I had written a couple of years ago that made me laugh pretty hard. I don't know if it would make anyone else laugh.... part of the reason it was so funny to me is that I remembered the experiences so vividly. The first one is about a crow. I don't like crows, I think they are kind of creepy.

Early one Sunday morning I was leaning against the kitchen counter gazing idly out the window thinking about nothing in particular when a giant crow suddenly slammed into the partially open window. Its talons curled over the inside of the ledge and I could hear its beak tapping on the window as well as the huge black wings flapping against the glass. It seemed to be trying to fit its large form in through the narrow opening of the window! I ran back toward the hallway and in my panic tripped on the edge of the carpet where I could do nothing more than watch this massive dark shape flap and tap and finally fly away leaving nothing to indicate it was ever even there. I sat on the floor a moment in shock then got up and shakily closed the window. My roommates laughed and laughed when I later told them of this experience. They were amused. It took me a little longer to be as amused as they were.

(Insert clever blog title here)

2011-06-09T19:26:00.000-06:00

Zions!!

2011-05-22T19:51:00.000-06:00

Emerald Pools-- upper pools

Grateful

2011-05-04T05:20:00.000-06:00

This week I am going to be grateful for opportunities. Opportunities I have had to have experiences that I would not have been able to anywhere else. Living in southern Utah has given me a chance to go places and see things that I may not have otherwise have done. It has given me a chance to get a unique perspective on life "outside the bubble". Having the roommates I have the past school year has given me a chance to find a silly, happy side to my personality that I have heretofore not been confident enough to express. Having the terrible roommates in the past (last summer in particular) has given me a greater appreciation for the good ones.
I am grateful that I have been born into the gospel, I shudder to think where I would be in my personal life without the guidance and the standards it provides. Although I do not fully appreciate just how much it can really do in my life I hope that one day I will get to where I am able to. I am grateful for the opportunities that I have had to meet people through visiting teaching and church activities that I may not have gotten to meet or know. I am grateful for visiting teaching in particular lately because I have met people I would not otherwise have gotten to know, and learned to appreciate the friendship of others that I did not previously fully appreciate.

I love the springtime

2011-05-03T16:47:00.001-06:00

I love the springtime! It has so many good things to enjoy....

The flowers are beautiful

Dying easter eggs is fun

Did I mention how much I love the flowers?

I don't like wearing shoes.

Hiking! What better place can one think of to hike than southern utah!

2011-04-24T15:21:00.000-06:00

Happy Easter!

Capitalism and Cake Cookies

2011-04-18T21:41:00.003-06:00

Politics are dirty. Most Americans feel either powerless to do anything to bring about change or are simply too passive about the issues to do anything. So what is to be done to change these attitudes? That is the real question. Do politicians nowadays truly act in ways that are in the best interests of the people they represent? Do they even know what those people want? Do we write letters and let them know what we want? Do we feel that if we do write letters our voices will even be heard? Personally I feel that in all of the above mentioned cases the answer is no.

The health care bill passed. Is this really in the best interests of the American people? Congress will claim that yes it is, but have not ironed out very important details as to how exactly this will help. Is it honestly in the best interests of the majority of the American people? Or will it cause more problems than it solves?
Some things sound incredibly good in theory but are not as good in practice. Communism for example sounds great-- in theory. Equality for everybody, nobody has more or less than their neighbor. Everybody contributes the same and gets the same. Problem, nowhere at any time in history has communism worked for the good of the people. Leaders get greedy and want more than their share. We as humans are not all created the same, therefore how can we all contribute the same exact amount? Eventually some people will get greedy, people get lazy and the system fails. No system is perfect, but thus far history has proven that capitalism works the best despite its many flaws.

And what you may ask does all this have to do with cake cookies? Well, nothing, but my roommates and I were discussing while making cake cookies the other night and it sounded like a good title.

SUU

2011-04-05T15:35:00.009-06:00

The business building.... my home away from home. Oh the many hours I spent here holed up in the computer lab working on spreadsheets and wasting time on facebook.

I've always thought that the SUU library is very unique.

The science building in the distance, the building off to the right is the south hall. I'm not actually sure what classes are taught in the south hall-- I've never had one or known anyone who has either.

Auditorium-- I have been to many school and Shakespearean plays in this building.
Collusium during the winter. Not the best picture but this is where summer games opening ceremonies take place.

General Classroom building, ironically I've only taken a couple of classes here.

Braithwaite fine arts center. new clock tower behind in the distance.

Yeah, this just looks like a typical college campus doesn't it?
And the new PE building. It's neat.

Real Men

2011-03-22T13:21:00.001-06:00

The other day I was joking around with some friends about dating and guys versus men when one of the girls asked me what I though constituted a "real man". It got me to thinking a lot about exactly what it was that made the difference. I think that there are several things that--in my opinion-- can contribute to a boy being a "man" versus a "guy".

Firstly, I think that a real man can admit when he is hurt or sad. To know that it is ok to show some emotion. As much as the media paints men as being heartless robots, the media is generally wrong about such things. And know when it is appropriate to show such emotion. Although I think that knowing the when and how is a trait that both genders can constantly be working on improving-- it's a tough skill to try to master.

Aside from that I feel that a young man's overall attitude and maturity level are what make him a man. How he treats women, is he respectful? What about servers and waiters? Does he treat those who serve him with respect? Can he have a serious and deep conversation, or is there an invisible barrier that won't let your discussions get past lighter subjects despite enough time spent together that those barriers should no longer be as huge as they may be. Is he honest in his dealings with others? Pay a full tithe on all earnings? Does he have his priorities in the right place?

A man knows his limitations and recognizes his own weaknesses. A guy will not. And one who is aware of said weaknesses and honestly trying to better himself is a man worth your time- one who may still have immaturities but recognizes that he is still only human. I feel that it pretty much boils down to attitude and maturity level.

First Day of Spring

2011-03-22T13:09:00.005-06:00

I looked out the window for the first official day of spring to see the following:

I am beginning to think that the weather is going to be as bipolar as it was last year. One week it would be t-shirts and sunshine and then the next would be snowboots and umbrellas.

A picture is worth a thousand words

2011-03-03T23:17:00.003-07:00

Dumb Laws

2011-03-02T19:10:00.004-07:00

Laws come into being because somewhere at sometime somebody caused them to be so. So one has to wonder how some of laws came to exist. I wish I knew the stories behind some of them.

In Alabama it is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

In Alaska it is an offense to push a moose out of an airplane.

In Arizona donkeys are not allowed to sleep in the bathtub. I believe Georgia has a similar ordinance about donkeys not being allowed in bathtubs.

In Idaho it is illegal to fish from a camel's back It is also illegal to fish from the back of a giraffe.

A North Carolina law states that elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields. It says nothing about elephants being use to plow any other fields.

Kentucky law states that a person may not dye a duck blue and offer it for sale unless you offer more than six for sale at once.

In Utah it is considered an offense to hunt whales. It is also illegal to cause a catastrophy.

Illegal to have an ice cream cone in your back pocket in Alabama and New York.

More and More Randomness

2011-02-19T11:36:00.003-07:00

Thoughts...

2011-01-28T20:50:00.009-07:00

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
--Mark Twain

"If you keep putting off enough tomorrows, you'll find you pick up a lot of empty yesterdays."
--The Music Man

"The bitterest tears ever shed over graves are for words never said and deeds never done."
--Harriette Beecher Stowe

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who mind don't matter."
--Dr. Seuss

"Learn to love people and use things, not use people and love things."
--Anon.

"Your mind is a cupboard and you stock the shelves."
--Pres. Thomas S. Monson

"Temptation is sure to ring your doorbell, do not invite it to stay for dinner."
--Anon.

Stereotypes and Gender Roles

2011-01-27T01:21:00.006-07:00

Why is it that we allow the media to dictate what our gender roles ought to be? Men are supposed to be cold hearted and show no emotions. The stoic warriors who are ruffled by nothing. Women are supposed to be brainless and skanky.

But are they supposed to be this way? Are human beings really like this? Because the men I know and respect are not robots, nor are they the "stoic warriors". They are human, they are sad at the death of a friend, they are considerate of others. And the women I know and respect are certainly not brainless or skanky.

Not only are these roles inaccurate with regards to the average person, but these stereotypes hardly demand the respect that humans ought to show to one another. In my opinion we all ought to treat each other with the same respect we want shown to ourselves.

And who is hollywood to tell us how we should act and feel? I mean, look at how miserable most of these movie stars are. If men and women are supposed to fit the roles that the media lays down for them, then shouldn't they be living the dream? But they are not! Therefore I would conclude that the molds that the world claims we are to fit are not only inaccurate but potentially harmful as well.

Selfishness

2011-01-20T20:06:00.004-07:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about why people lie, cheat or steal. Generally these things are at the cost of someone else, why do they do these things if it hurts someone else?

I think it comes down to one big thing: selfishness. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary: Selfish: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.

I would like to add to this a certain immaturity, a lack of taking responsibility for the consequences of one's actions. Selfish people almost always blame someone else for their misfortunes, it's never their own fault. I wonder if that is why they think it's ok to be so dishonest, it's the other persons fault that things went badly, so let's steal from them or cheat them somehow.

I have also observed that selfish people do not steal for what they need. No, they steal for what they want. A non-selfish person may take a job they do not want -- such as janitorial or food service-- in order to ensure that they have the things they need such as food, shelter and clothing. But it seems that selfish people have these things and are unsatisfied. They want the fancier car, the bigger house, the newer boat, they are never content. They then attempt to get what they want at the expense of others. They don't care who they hurt, so long as they get the things that they want.

In retrospect I cannot understand such behavior. It is enough however, to encourage me to curb any little selfish behaviors I have because I do not want to end up like these I have so harshly labeled here.

Randomosity

2011-01-12T10:40:00.003-07:00

Awkward Moment

2011-01-12T10:06:00.004-07:00

So this week my roommate and I attended a game night at a a friend's house. When we arrived, the guys were just finishing up watching football game. So my roommate and I sat on the couch to wait until the game was over and we could begin the game night. I was sitting on the end of the couch so that there was maybe 6 inches between myself and the arm of couch.

A very large young man sitting in a chair across the room from us suddenly jumped up out of his chair and came over to try and sit on the couch. Did I mention a very large young man, larger than the 6 inches between me and the end of the couch. Hence he ended up sitting mostly on my lap. I looked at my roommate and we burst out laughing because it was rather entertaining. He didn't even acknowledge that he was sitting on me! I scooted out a little bit so that I was now mostly sitting on my side squished between my roommate and the large person who was still not even noticing anything but the football game. Other people in the room were giving him odd looks of disbelief, but he appeared to be oblivious to everything and everyone around him.

Now, this was a bit uncomfortable for me. I have a large bubble in which I don't particularly like people I don't know invading. In retrospect I should have unwedged myself from my seat on the couch and taken his chair, but the idea did not occur to me at the time. I remember thinking that it was a strange situation and he wouldn't seriously keep sitting there once he realized that there was already a person there! Finally, after the game when he still didn't move one of the other guys in the room asked him to move back to his chair and he got all grumpy about having to move.

Boiling the Frog

2011-01-02T20:06:00.010-07:00

A recent article in the newspaper had me doing a double take. A former professor of mine had been arrested for attempting to solicit services from a prostitute. He was arrested as part of a sting in which he and several other people from the community were caught-- including the VP of SUU. At first glance I was certain that there had been a misunderstanding, some sort of mistake made by the police force. But after reading a recent article I came to understand that there was no mistake, these men had truly fallen to such temptation.

It is a humbling and alarming thing to realize how vulnerable we all are to such temptations and addictions. None of us are above temptation. It's just like the primary lesson about boiling the frog. It can start out with such seemingly small things until it escalates into big things.

I think that Professor Groft summed it up best in his statement. He has made no attempt to justify or deny his mistake. It seems to me that he just wants to move past it and do everything he can to get back on the right path. The following excerpt is his statement from Iron County Today:

" I feel that avoiding bargains and paying the maximum penalty that the court believes will satisfy justice is the best way for me to begin on the path of healing and redemption," Groft said in a statement released Wednesday evening through his attorney Blaine T. Hofeling.

" I have made some decisions that I will regret for the rest of my life," he said. "The road that led me to this point started out with smaller offenses that seemed benign but gradually pulled me further and further into a pit of addiction and despair. Although I continually prayed for forgiveness and experienced bouts of fortitude and upright behavior, the cycle of addiction and darkness visited me again and again and engulfed me more and more."

"My beliefs taught me better, my convictions taught me better, but unfortunately my beliefs and my convictions were weaker than my resolve. My wife, family and friends are all angry and shocked, but have offered a tremendous outpouring of love, forgiveness, and encouragement. I thank them for that."

--Andy Groft

2010 Recap

2010-12-25T20:49:00.002-07:00

Wow, 2010 has been quite a year! Just think......

the good.....
-bought my first car
-moved into a house with some amazing roommates
-got my first real job
-paid of almost half of my student loans in the first year
-got to travel to Bryce Canyon for the first time ever
-bought a new computer that is not possessed by demons (as my old computer was)

and as with all things good come the bad....
-car broke down less than 3 months after i bought it
-found out my boss was being dishonest and he let the firm go under, now I'm unemployed
-boss owes me lots of money from insurance scam

All in all, this past year has been eventful. More good than bad overall; especially seeing as how most of the bad things that happened have been within the past month. This Christmas season has been, well, interesting is a good word. Now I have lots of free time on my hands to decide what my next big adventure will be. It will be hard if I have to move up north, but a year ago I thought I would have to leave so technically I got one year more of southern utah than I thought I would. Yes, all in all this year has been more good than bad.

2010-12-25T20:48:00.001-07:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Bryce Canyon!!

2010-10-20T23:24:00.003-06:00

Adventures at a Glance

2010-10-20T23:15:00.002-06:00

Cedar Breaks

Old IronTown

Boo to spring blizzards and technological overload

2010-04-30T19:40:00.002-06:00

Well the weather just wants to keep teasing us. A couple of days of beautiful sunshiny springness, then one morning I will wake up to find several inches of snow on the ground and a raging blizzard blowing around my apartmen. It's not so great as one can imagine, it just taunts me with what could be and then it's gone.

As far as technological overload, I get tired of people who live in the same town as me making comments such as "well we talk on facebook, why would I come over and hang out?" At first I took such comments very personally, now I just get frustrated. Facebook should not in any way replace important one on one time with those who still live within a reasonable distance away.

Forever Good byes (warning: sappy post)

2009-12-10T18:54:00.003-07:00

I decided that I don't like good-bye's that are forever. Even with all the modern technology of our world sometimes you know there will be people who you will never see again. Even if someone has IM and facebook things will still never be the same. It can no longer be "hey let's hang out this weekend!" or "Let's go play night games and pretend we're 5 years old again". Those are good times let me tell you!

I have enough forever good-bye's this semester and especially this week, so everyone else please stay in touch!! I am even willing to advocate texting as a form of communication (albeit not a great one) if it's just to stay in some form of contact with people, even the evils of texting may be preferable to completely losing track of a friend.

Anyway, I think today it just hit me that I am really leaving Cedar. I've lived here for 6 years and will only be here another 2 weeks and then I'm gone forever. Hence my sudden freak out at the thought that people I know around the community mainly by sight I will probably never see again.
So goodbye to my old next door neighbor who I used to chat with after my classes were over, and the lady next to him with the cute little dogs, and I'm thinking I should post some stories of some of my adventures here-- I have some god ones too.
Most especially, good bye to the wonderful people and ladies at the St. Judes Episcopal church in Cedar city who have tirelessly fed and cooked for hundreds of thousands of hungry college students for every Thursday night as long as I can remember being here.

Almost Done! (sort of)

2009-08-24T14:42:00.000-06:00

I got my graduation papers signed today! As of December I will officially have an accounting degree! Now if I can just make sure and pass all my classes decently this term...... I'm hoping to pull my GPA up a little bit if I can, but I realized that most of my classes are pretty steep classes so I guess I'll just see how it goes.

Good-bye Summer

2009-08-20T21:15:00.000-06:00

Wow I can't believe that summer is over. Part of me thinks that it has dragged on like a neverending bad movie, then part of me feels that it seems only yesterday that school was getting out and I was wondering what to do with myself for the next three months.
Anyway, wow what a summer it has been! The first part was terrible, I got some sort of nasty virus or something for a few weeks. Then the middle part wasn't so great, because by the time I got to feeling better the high school was out and there were no job openings (not that there were that many to start with). Plus most all of my friends had moved away--or are married and moving on with their lives and new families.
Then the last few weeks since my birthday have been pretty good. I've had some good friends around who have made all the difference. I got to go play and explore like never before and it has been great. Now if I could only find a job to get me through the school year.

2009

2009-08-05T21:55:00.000-06:00

Lately I feel as though I've been born in the wrong century. I find myself growing tired of electronic communications and texting and facebook and IM etc. I am tired of this fast paced world in which we all live where people rarely take time to just sit down and talk to one another. This doesn't often create long lasting relationships and bonds that carry over for years and years (anyone seen the divorce rates recently). I wish that we still would visit with one another like people did 50 years ago on a regular basis.

Angels Landing at Zions park

2009-07-02T09:14:00.000-06:00

Angels Landing in the distance.

The path up the mountain. This is a pretty steep hike.

The switchbacks- aka Walters wiggles.
Just taking a little break after the terrifying ridge......... it was scary, really scary.

And at last! The view from the rop of Angels landing!

Fun in the Summertime!

2009-05-13T09:17:00.001-06:00

This is a place called Hidden Canyon, one of the seriously underappreciated places in Zions national park.

SUU library in the summer.

White Horse

2009-04-11T04:29:00.000-06:00

Say you're sorry,
that face of an angel
comes out just when you need it to
and that face back and forth all this time
because I honestly believed in you
holding on
and days track on
stupid girl, I should have known,
I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
lead her up the stair well

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you
went and let me down
now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

Baby I was naive,got lost in your eyes
and never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand.
I had so many dreams about you and me
happy endings now I know

I am not a princes, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
lead her up the stair well.

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
i was a dreamer before you and let me down
now it's too late for you and your white horse to come
around.

And you're here at my door
begging for forgiveness
begging for me just like I always wanted
but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone somewhere who might actually treat me well,
this is a big world and that was a small town
there in my rear view disappearing now
and it's too late for you and your white horse
Now it's too late for you and your white horse
catch me now.

*Lyrics property of HILLSBORO VALLEY SONGS; SONY/ATV SONGS D/B/A TREE PUBG CO; SONY/ATV SOUNDS D/B/A TIMBER PUB CO; TAYLOR SWIFT PUB DESIGNEE;

My Technology Rant

2009-03-30T13:50:00.001-06:00

Lately I am becoming more and more anti-technology. Cell phones, texting, IM, facebook, myspace all that stuff.

To begin with, texting. I find more and more that it frustrates me when someone tries to carry on a conversation with me purely through texting. I mean, texts are incredibly convenient when you have a quick question such as how is the weather or what time should we meet at or something, but to try and work out details for an activity or some such nonsense is just plain ridiculous. I thought that these things were supposed to make my life easier- so why is it so much more complicated? Bottom line here, if you are trying to iron out details or have a serious conversation with me through texts, I will pick up my phone and call you so that we can solve in a 10-15 minute conversation what would take over a dozen texts and still not be resolved..

IM, better but still not the same as a face to face conversation. Not a lot to say on that one, I use facebook chat frequently.

Cell phones, no one can need to talk to me so badly that it can't wait the 20 minutes until class or church are through. Cell phones are great, yes I have one and yes I use it frequently (to text as well!) but there is a time and place. I think cell phones are almost necessary if you travel a lot or long distances, don't be caught with a dead battery! But really, do I need to carry it everywhere I go? This is not meant to offend anyone, simply observations about myself and others that I've noticed.

Face to face conversations are the best--not every single time you need to tell someone something, sometimes a text or phone call is more appropriate. However, if you want to have a serious relationship (of any kind, not just romantic) you have be able to communicate through something more than just electronic devices. It is easier to communicate because you can read the other person's facial expressions and body language. Non verbal communication can change the whole mood or swing of a conversation. This is something that is lacking in IM, texts and even phone calls.

To try and wrap up this long post (if you're even still reading it, ha ha) I'm not entirely anti technology, just anti how dependent we as a society are becoming on electronic communications becoming the only way we relate to each other. Sometimes just sitting around on the porch or roof on a nice day shooting away at the breeze is one of the best ways to establish long lasting relationships and understanding with one another.

Snow Canyon!

2009-03-13T22:04:00.000-06:00

I think that Snow canyon state park is one of my favorite places to go play. I've only been once, but it was great! For starters, there were awesome lava rocks.....

Great climbing potential. The petrified dunes make perfect little steps for climbing steep hills.

Real Problem

2009-02-25T17:43:00.000-07:00

The solution to the welfare problem is not to give people more money. Although welfare payments are hardly enough to live on, to increase these payments is not the answer. The main problem is that many (not all) people on welfare are third or fourth generation recipients and have never been taught how to properly handle money. This is where the real problem comes in, what the government should be doing with our tax dollars is educating people on budgeting. If no one ever shows you how to do something, odds are that you will never learn how to do it. Once people are educated on how to properly budget and save then give them money and help them find jobs. To put more money in the hands of those who don't know how to use it is a waste.

Now don't think that I'm unsympathetic, sometimes life happens and everyone needs helping hand every now and then, that's fine. But I see so many people who just don't care and even expect the government to take care of them and are now screaming for more money! Why should I work more hours and several jobs so that these people can sit around and do nothing with their lives? It's the attitude that gets to me and makes me so upset. And what about the people who are going through a rough time and are simply looking for a short term solution? They aren't going to get the financing they need to get out because resources are so stretched. The system we have makes it entirely too easy to get caught in a trap.

What the government should do is outline the national welfare system after the LDS church welfare program. The church helps people get education and job training-- giving them a hand up rather than a hand out. This would certainly not solve all the problems, not by a long shot-- but at least it would be a start.

Content

2009-02-22T22:43:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the middle of this crazy world we live in there is sometimes a random moment in which life is just content. There are no more papers to be typed, no job to rush off to, no dramas, no calculus or stats homework to stress over and for that split second in time life is just good.

There will be plenty of days and nights to stress out over all the cares of the world and sometimes it's just nice to be happy in the present moment between storms which have passed and ones which will undoubtedly come.

Tag

2009-01-23T00:51:00.000-07:00

What is there to do at 1 am when sleep can't be found-- apparently blogging. A friend of mine on facebook the other day tagged me in one of those random list 5 things yada yada........ and I wasn't going to do it but since it's one in the morning and I can't sleep I figured why not.

5 Pet Peeves/Annoyances
1. insomnia
2. at the moment the neighbors downstairs are being rather annoying (loud music and all)
3. guys who won't commit
4. guys who flirt with you but aren't really interested
5. apparently guys frustrate me a lot lately..... hmmm....

5 Things that scare you
1. right now, SUU's campus (3 rapes in the past week-- yeah, so not going out jogging at night anymore)
2. any kind of devil worship "game" or anything absolutely terrifies me
3. power outages kinda do, depends on where I am and who I'm with
4. gas station bathrooms
5. math tests

5 things that make you happy
1. good friends
2. getting good grades
3. learning new things
4. stargazing, or telescopes
5. rainbows, thunderstorms, flowers, cholocolate

5 Random Things about yourself
1. I've been to the hospital twice in the last year for ulcer problems
2. I'm part Irish, and have the temper to prove it
3. In the past 5 years I have lived in 8 different places and 5 different wards (I just picked a ward to stay in after my 4th move) but I absolutely hate packing and moving.
4. I once (and only once) slept through a final.
5. I can't believe I stayed up until after 1 am doing this random tagging thingy.

Why?

2009-01-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

Why is there so much suffering in the world, why is it that so few people seem to care?
Why is it that those who have so much still won't stop to help those who have nothing?
All it takes is a hello, all it takes is a simple "Hey just so you know, I'm thinking of you."
But no one ever takes the time to utter just a few words now and then.

The last six months have been absolute hell, and until the last two weeks or so, no one has so much as dropped me any of these lines. No one has uttered a "hey how are you doing?" It doesn't help that I've been sicker than sick for the longest time and have a migrane that just won't go away.
I can't believe what a different just a simple text saying good night makes in my life. Something so small and seemingly inconsequential, yet it has such an impact. I'm sure these two people don't even realize the impact that they have. Just knowing that if I died tonight there would be at least these two people who would notice makes such a difference that I can't even believe it. That's all I needed, just someone to say hi and let me know that they care. It may not sound like much, but again, just a text I got last night from someone telling me to get well soon and sleep well made me feel 100 times better than I have in months. I miss my best friend, I wish he still cared even just a little bit.

2009-01-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

I think that people often underestimate the power of themselves. we never truly know when a kind word really can uplift someone else. By the same token, we never know when an unkind word or act will really tear someone else apart.
As friends it seems that we underestimate how much we can really help someone to feel better if we would just take the time. I know we all hear stories like "I stopped to help someone pick up their books which had fallen.................. and at graduation they told me that day that they were going home to kill themselves and didn't because now they knew someone cared....." and maybe these stories do seem a little unrealistic, but lets face it, we really do have in our possession the power to help those around us and make their lives better before it reaches that point. So why do so few people take the time to do so? All it takes is a hi I was thinking about you today or a smile to a stranger. Yes this seems cheesy etc, but look at it this way, what harm can it do? It only takes a moment to say hi or send someone a text just to say hi, even less time to smile at someone. Really, it won't kill anyone to take five minutes out of their lives to do a kind act but it may truly make someone who is suffering feel better-- so isn't it worth it; isn't that person worth even five minutes of time??

Christmas

2008-12-24T15:00:00.000-07:00

Christmas is such a great holiday. But sometimes it seems as though it is over celebrated. This year Christmas decorations went up in retail stores the same time as Halloween. Thanksgiving is nearly completely overlooked. And by the time we actually get to December 25, we are so burned out from the past three months of celebrating Christmas that it hardly seems to capture the magic that it used to. Now that it is nearly Christmas, it hardly feels like the holidays are worth celebrating because we see it so much so often. there's just no happy, Christmas spirit this year.