My Love/Hate Relationship with Christmas

I love Christmas, I love the lights, the music and the smells.  I definitely enjoy the tasty food.  I also love how it tends to bring out the best in people.  It can bring out the worst in some people as well, but I'm not going to spend time expounding that at the moment.  I think that it's a time of year when children get to really be children and believe in magic.  It's a time when adults get a chance to create a little magic not only for their children, but for their fellow man (ie, layaway angels I've been hearing on the news about).

It's a time to remember the Savior and to celebrate his birth (even if it didn't really happen in December, its nice to have a time set aside to celebrate it all the same).  It's when we all have something in tie us together, to remember that we ought to value one another as individuals with all of our differences.  To remember that we are all children of the same God, and to treat each other as such.

So, with so much awesomeness, what can there possibly be to hate about Christmas?  Well, it's a bit personal.  Very personal rather, I have been debating if I would post this, but writing seems to be very therapeutic to me to get things out.

Christmas is a time to be with family.  It's a time to celebrate family.  And sometimes for me it's a just a reminder that I come from a very dysfunctional family and don't really fit in anywhere.  I know everyone's families have their problems and have dysfunctional moments.  But mine really is.  I remember as a child I would sit at the kitchen window and dream about the day when I could just get in my car and drive away and never come back.  It's a horrible thing for a child to think, but I did.  I do not enjoy spending time at my parents house, it is so full of negative energy and bad memories.  The longer I am there the more I am down on myself and depressed.  I often leave feeling like I am only three inches tall.
I am so very different from anyone in my immediate family.  My mother and I in particular do not see eye to eye on, well, just about anything you can imagine.  I often feel that she is constantly irritated at me for everything I do.  I feel that she wants me to be one sort of person, but I am another entirely.  This may sound somewhat vague, I don't know, but the details I could on about would take days, weeks even to sort through.  But what I need to realize is that I am an adult and do not need my parents approval to feel like I am a good person, easier said than done.  

So when the holidays roll around, I generally enjoy them but I dread Christmas eve coming around.  I dread going to my parents house.  While living down south with no car, it was not too difficult for me to find excuses to stay.  I usually had a job that would not allow me to leave anyway, and everyone around me would say "Oh you poor thing!" but I never really minded staying to work every holiday.  Now I have a week off work and the holiday is fast approaching.  I love the holiday in general, but would gladly skip the actual day in a heartbeat.   

Hmmmm.......

Hmmmm well I have nothing too terribly exciting to blog about.  Life is pretty much the same.  I go to work, I go home, I get headaches more frequently again (not just little headaches, headaches that make me lock myself in a dark room headaches) but on the upside I have more days where I feel well enough to eat real food.  Meaning, anything other than jello, pudding or other soft and unsatisfying substance.  Hoping for good weather next weekend to go south for a day or two.  Warm weather sounds very enticing at the moment.

Speaking of the weather, I don't know if my memory is just faulty or what the deal is, but I do not really remember being this bitter cold in Cedar.  I'm sure it was to be honest, but I have just conveniently forgotten it as I've been gone for so long.  And in the heat of a southern summer it is very very easy to forget the bitterness of the wintertime.

However, I do seem to recall a few memorable winters in Utah's Dixie.  My sophmore year of college we had a bunch of people over to play games and a huge blizzard sprang up and some of the people ended up sleeping on our couch because they couldn't get their cars out.  A friend brought his truck over and pulled them out the next morning.
Another time there was a huge ice storm and everything was frozen solid.  I don't know how the driving was, I had no car.  But walking was fun.  Did I say walking? I meant sliding and skating on the frozen roads and sidewalks.
That same year our furnace broke, we had no heat.  It was COLD in that house.  Our bishop lent us his nice space heater and we slept in the living room near the space heater for a month.  We covered the doorways with blankets or something and just camped out in the family room, slept on the couches.  At the time I was highly miserable, being cold all the time and stuff, but I sometimes miss those days in some ways.  I miss the people more than the circumstances at any rate.
I remember dancing in the falling snow in the parking lot behind the Villa apts with an old boyfriend, and I remember making snowmen in the front yard with my roommates.  I also remember one night during a light snow storm I went on a walk with my roommates and we were running up our street falling into random yards making snow angels.
I also remember walking to work in snow so deep I was practically doing bunny hops through the knee high drifts.
All in all, snow isn't so bad.  I just dread driving in it, or having to trudge through it to get to work and then sit in my office in wet clothes for several hours. 

Happy Memories

Title says it all.  Lyrics are in no way mine, I think they belong to Billy Joel or someone who wrote them for him maybe? Who knows, I just love this song.

Piano Man

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Makin' love to his tonic and gin

He says, "Son, can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes."

la la la, di da da
La la, di di da da dum

Chorus:
Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us all feelin' all right

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke and he'll light up your smoke
But there's some place that he'd rather be
He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me."
As his smile ran away from his face
"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place"

Now Paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talkin' with Davy, who's still in the Navy
And probably will be for life

And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessman slowly gets stoned
Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinkin' alone

Chorus
sing us a song you're the piano man
sing us a song tonight
well we're all in the mood for a melody
and you got us all feeling alright

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been comin' to see
To forget about their life for a while
And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, "Man, what are you doin' here?"

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Chorus:
sing us a song you're the piano man
sing us a song tonight
well we're all in the mood for a melody
and you got us all feeling alright

Tidbits

I heard a great story from my cousins the other day. I have embellished only a little bit since I was not present at this event and can only derive some things from the times I have heard this story told to me.

When my cousins were little, my aunt worked a lot and was gone most of the day. My uncle worked from home. When C and J were 6 and 4 respectively, they had an minor adventure that has been often repeated.

One day C and J were hungry. Their mom was at work, their dad was in the basement also working. They went downstairs to ask for lunch and their dad told them to be patient and he would come up shortly to get them something to eat. Well, the kids did not want to wait until later, they were hungry right then. So, without bothering to put shoes on (as it was summertime) they went out the door, down the street and rang the neighbors doorbell. When the neighbor opened his door he was surprised to two little children looking up at him with sad faces. "We're hungry, can you feed us?" asked C. The neighbor was shocked, but took them in and fed them peanut butter and jelly sandwich's.

When his wife got home she was also surprised to see the two children sitting at the table happily munching away at their sandwiches. She called their mother, who was slightly horrified and apologized profusely while thanking the kindly neighbors for taking in her children. The neighbors were highly amused at the whole thing. I was also highly amused, hence I attempted to put to words the entertaining events which I have heard told repeatedly.

Epic Weekend: Bryce, Chuck, and Three Little Nuns

At long last I went to visit the land of red rocks and warmth.  I didn't even have to scrape ice off my car the entire time I was there-- it was great. Thursday afternoon I decided I didn't care if I was broke on all fronts, so I just ended up taking off for the weekend and seeing who was there.  I was pleasantly surprised by the number of friends I got to see or spend time with.  I spent the entire weekend visiting Bryce, chatting with three little nuns, and watching Chuck.  It was an epic weekend.
On my random adventures I saw many interesting things.  In Fillmore I saw a big bear, and what I think is a buck deer.  There was a sign that said not to climb on them sadly enough.

 

Although exhausting, this trip completely recharged me, I went from feeling like I was 90 to only 60.

But back to the positive side, Bryce Canyon was AMAZING! It wasn't even cold up there, perfect hiking weather.  I think that spur of the moment trips seem to agree with me rather.

Things I am Grateful for

It's strange how lately I find myself loving things I used to rather dislike on various levels for various reasons.  Social media being a good example here.  However, I am now finding that things I used to have mixed feelings about for whatever reason I now am grateful I have, or some of these things I just liked to begin with in all honesty.  Like sleep. I have always like sleep, just not to the excess I have been doing it in recent weeks.

-Sleep
-new pajamas
-movies
-Jamba Juice
-old roommates
-texting
-free phone upgrades
-social media (yes, believe it or not the day has come when I am promoting social media! I can type instead   of talk, which is much easier lately, and keep in touch with people who live far away who I don't see on an ongoing basis)
-gift cards that I can get movies and crafts with to keep me occupied
-ice packs for achy joins and muscles
-asprin
-ice cream

The Last of the Summer flowers

Well the last one is slightly out of focus, but I can't believe it's already autumn.

Just thoughts

As much as I rant about not getting set up on dates, and tell my family that I am fine being single...... sometimes I wonder if it's wrong to wish, even just for a moment that I wasn't.  Just to wish I had someone to come home to at night, someone to talk things over with.  Sometimes I wish I was still in the same state of mind I was 6 months ago, I was happier being single at that point in life.  So what changed? I don't know.  How do I get back to that frame of mind? I wish I knew. 

And now there are more

Now that my computer has mysteriously stopped losing my pictures-- just as mysteriously as it started losing them-- I have pictures to once again post.  It seemed that for awhile half of the pictures I uploaded just disappeared, they were not in the recycle bin, I could find them when I tried to search for hidden files, they were just gone.  This led me to be not happy.  Anyone who knows me knows that one does not mess around with my pictures, I'm rather protective of them. 
So.. drum roll please, I finally found something that I like about being up north.  I can go places in a day trip that were previously hours away.  I know, I know, I make it sound like everything about living on the Wasatch front is horrible, it's just that living in the great big city is not my style.  There are certain perks, however, I am considerably closer to downtown Salt Lake, I even got to ride a train the other day, it was fun. 

Elevators

I overheard a funny story today that entertained me greatly.
J goes down to UVU for a meeting last week.  He had a projector he was taking up on a rolling cart, hence he took the elevator.  Well, the elevator stalled while he was in it.  So he called campus security because he didn't know what to do.
J: "Hello? yes I'm stuck in an elevator in the student center."
Operator: "I'm sorry I didn't catch that, could you repeat it?"
J: "Yes, I was on my way to a meeting in the student center and I got in the elevator and it stalled-- it won't move!"
Operator: "so, the elevator is broken and it won't move?"
J: "Yes that's correct."
Operator: "Could you just take the stairs instead?"
Silence
J: "um if I wasn't already stuck inside the elevator I could have. Actually, no, I have a cart, so I couldn't have taken the stairs to begin with."
More silence
Operator: "So you're saying that you can't take the stairs, is there another elevator you could take?"
J: "No, I am stuck inside the elevator.  I am inside the elevator and it is stuck."
Operator: "Would you like me to see if I could find someone to come look at the elevator then?"
J: "YES! please!"
Operator: "All right let me call around and see if I can find a repairman to come look at the elevator but it will probably be later on this afternoon, so you may want to find another way to get to your meeting."
J: "Gah!! Seriously?!"
Silence, the operator appeared to have hung up.
Moral of the story, don't ride in the elevators at UVU.  Eventually J did indeed escape the elevator, he did not make it in time for his meeting however.

Well intentions may not always be correct

So how do you tell well intentioned people that they are doing more harm than good.  If you say it nicely they don't listen, I would imagine if you say it not nicely they would get hurt and offended.  They are so concerned that I do not date enough.  They keep asking me about it and pushing me to go to more singles activities.  I do not have the energy or motivation to try and meet and woo men right now.  If a man wants to ask me out on a date, then he has to make the effort because I am to exhausted to do the whole peacock dance anymore.
It begins: You dress up, do your hair nice when you know you are going to see him, you get twitterpated when he's around, you laugh and try to flirt with him, hoping he notices you.  It ends: eventually you wake up and realize he doesn't seem to see you in a dating sense, you are the little sister or the "friend". And that is all you will ever be to them. 
All I have gotten out of the dating world is continual broken hearts. I am not obsessing over being single so I don't know why people around me are.  I figure there are far worse things than being single the rest of my life. The more they talk the worse I feel.  I wonder what is wrong with me that I don't get asked out.  And the fact that they are all so concerned just makes me more concerned.

Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget what wonderful friends I have.  Even when I am being a hermit and a brat they are still there for me.  I have not always had as good of luck with friends in the past, and maybe this has clouded my judgement on things in the present.  Reading the roommate blog made me smile, and I need to stop being such a hermit. For reals this time, and I apologize for being a hermit for, well, since I moved here pretty much. 

I need my muses back!

Mostly I need my car to pass inspection in the next two days so that I can drive it again. Then I can go visit my muses. I think that's why the past couple of weeks have been torture, I have no way to escape city life with my car on the blitz.  If only things would work out then maybe, just maybe I could get away for a weekend now and then.
The End

More adventures of being single

Conversation at work today between two of my coworkers went something like this:

S: "So this new guy I hired, he's a genius at using the new software, I'm sure glad we found him-- this younger generation knows how to use computers so well it never ceases to amaze me."
L: "Oh you hired a new guy? I heard something about that," (pauses to look at me significantly) "So you said he's young? How old is he?"
S: "Oh mid to late 20's I believe."
L: "Ah, so he's about the same age as our young lady over here (indicates me) here.  Is he single? And is he attractive?"
Even longer pause as I glance up to see two mischevious sets of eyes on me.  Both ladies are grinning ear to ear.
S: "Yep he's single all right.  And he really is attractive, if you like the tall dark handsome type that is."
I kept silent during this whole exchange, really, what could I possibly say.

Just Because

 

"Forget Yourself and Go to Work"

I remember a talk I heard by President Gordon B Hinkley several years back.  He was talking about his mission and how difficult a time he was having during his first few months out on his mission.  He wrote home expressing his frustration with his circumstances expressing concern that he was simply wasting time and resources in a fruitless endeavor.  His father responded in short: "Gordon, forget yourself and go to work."  President Hinkley certainly took these words to heart, and truly dedicated his life to the service of the Lord as well as his fellow men.
This is good council to follow I think, for all of us.  Keeping physically and mentally active is good.  Time and good works help to heal a lot.   These thoughts were mulling in my brain while I was working on a service project this past weekend.  I have not had much opportunity for physical exertion since moving and working outdoors and pulling weeds and such was amazing.
I guess where I'm trying to go with this thought is that eventually one does begin to get accustomed to insane drivers and traffic, even if you still silently freak out every time a car whips past you or stops mere inches from your back bumper at the light.  Broken hearts can begin to heal--however slowly-- even if one day you are fine and the next you are in tears again.  And eventually things get more familiar, you only get lost twice a week instead of daily.  You can slowly accept that you will not understand everything that is, even if you still wish you had a crystal ball instead.
Ok, so I'm kind of adjusting to the fact that nearly everything in my life has been turned upside down in the past couple of weeks.  I'm not saying that I am entirely happy with how things are.... but I'm oh so slowly learning to accept that I cannot control most of what is going on and that's just the way it is.  I may not like feeling like I have so little control over my life at present, but that is the way it is for the time being and short of quitting my job and becoming a bum on the streets, there is very little I can do that will make my life better at present and the best thing I can do is to accept it.
A quote on a talk by Elder John B Dickenson comes to mind: "I had only one arm.  I could do very little about that.  But my attitude about it, and life in general, was up to me."
Well, I'm living in a city I don't love, being single which I don't love, but there is very little I can do about either of those circumstances.  So I guess it's time I got an attitude change.  We shall see how it goes.

Chicken Soup for the Soul

Once upon a time my parents were big on the Chicken Soup for the Soul books.  Here is an excerpt from one of the books that entertained me greatly:  (no copyright intended, all anecdotes are property of Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul "What I wish I had known sooner")

-Don't drink grapejuice while wearing a white t-shirt and driving to school.
-Don't let your life wait for other people.
-Dropping a cell phone into a bathtub full of water kinda kills the phone.
-Your mother will find out if you dye your hair purple.
-If it hurts, DON'T DO IT AGAIN
-That which does not kill you will ultimately make you stronger
-Don't sprint around the pool if you're trying to impersonate Jim from Huck Finn
-Zits always pop up when you really can't afford for them to pop up
-All that's gold doesn't glisten
-When in doubt, duck.  When certain, don't bother cause you're already screwed.
-When driving a car through a gate, always, always, make sure the gate is open-- the consequences may be  fatal to your car.
-If you're not living ( I mean really living), you're already dead.
-Never pierce your belly button in the dark.
-Being nice to people will get you far.
-Dreaming and doing go hand in hand.
-Life moves fast, but not so fast that you can't slow down to enjoy it.
-Instead of waiting for life to get better, do something about it.
-The one person you can truly love is often right in front of you.
-Smart people can do very stupid things.

The adventures of being older, single,LDS, female, and living in Utah

There are many.

First, people are always asking "Why is a nice girl like you is still single?"  or "Now why hasn't someone snatched you up yet?"  or "Why don't you date more?".  To these I always shrug and say, I don't know-ask the guys! If I knew what I was doing to scare them all away I could possibly stop scaring them all away.  (Barely refraining from adding the "duh" here)

Then you get the, Don't you want to get married? Ok, so this has only been asked of me a couple of times and by young 19-20 newlyweds that give you the big eyed stare as if you are dying of some disease or something.  They assume that if you are still single it must be by your choice alone.

And lets not forget the constant "Oh I have a nephew/cousin/brother/neighbor/neighbors nephew/neighbors cousin/2nd cousin... who is older/shy/short/cute, so you two would be perfect for each other!" If I had a nickel for every time I've heard some variation on this phrase.  Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment when it comes from my family or friends who mean well, but after so many setups/failures it does get a bit depressing.  I don't do so well on set up dates... I just never know how to be myself.  

And every time you get a wedding invite in the mail, the senders seem to get younger and younger.  I have friends who graduated high school after I graduated college who are married or engaged.  Then at the reception there are generally always the comments along the lines of "So when is it your turn young lady?" and "Better get up in front so you have better odds at catching that bouquet..." meaning I need all the luck I can get? At least I do run into old friends as well.  At one in particular I remember seeing several of my good friends from high school.  They were there with their husbands and kids.  I remember looking around at all the happy couples with their children, busy discussing with one another plans for decorating and maintaining their houses and such.  As I watched and caught snippets of conversation I couldn't help but think so, I have no degree (yet) no car, no house, no husband, no children... wow, I feel great right about now. The self pity wore off fairly quickly, but occasionally returns here and there.

On that topic, we have to bring up the "Everyone moves at their own pace, you just haven't moved on to that stage yet." Always, always mentioned by someone who has moved on to that stage.  Also always mentioned by someone who really does care.  It's good advice, but has never honestly made me feel better about the old single stage I am currently getting deeper and deeper into. It just makes me feel as though I am falling further behind where I would like to be in life and getting more stuck someplace I do not want to be.

Just because

Just because the last few posts were novels... here's a nice short one :)

Choices

We all have choices to make in this life.  Recently I have heard several comments along the lines of  "Well, they chose this or that" as if because they chose something then we are free to judge.

For example the other day while driving I saw a homeless person staring off an overpass that we were on and I turned to the person next to me and made a comment about how sad it made me to see so many homeless in this town.  He idle replied "well, they choose to be homeless, they could go get a job so it's their own fault.  Don't let it get you down."  This really struck me.  Some people make poor choices that lead to their homelessness, but does this mean that we should not have compassion on them?
And not all homeless people are in that circumstance because of their own choices, but the choices of others.  If someone is living paycheck to paycheck barely able to make enough to survive and then the company lays them off or goes out of business, then perhaps that person could become homeless.  This was not because of any great wrong that the person committed, but in this economy jobs--even part time minimum wage jobs--are hard to come by. Try to imagine being homeless and filling out job applications and go to interviews--it would be incredibly difficult.

A recent news article I read was about a young woman who was killed and her body left stuffed under a mattress. I heard several rumors about her being into drugs.  Many seemed to come to the conclusion that she was into drugs and therefore her murder was drug related and therefore it barely merited investigation. A comment was made on KSL that it seemed a fitting end for a druggie.   I conclude that drug related or not, this is no fitting end for any human being.  This commentator made a rash and heartless assumption with no real facts to back up such a claim.  Not to mention what if this poor girls family were to read such a statement?  Maybe she made poor choices, but none of us know what led her to do so.  Not a single one of us can ultimately understand why she would choose such a lifestyle.  But that does not mean that she is to be written off as just another druggie or that she deserved to be murdered at such a young age.  She was a person who was loved by many and will be missed.  Such circumstances also deserve compassion, not judgement.

I feel that regardless of if a person has made poor choices, that does not mean that it is my place to judge them.  Whatever poor choices they have made is between them and God. 
If we spent less time judging each other and more time trying to understand one another then I feel that there would be a lot more peace in the world.  People would get along better.  
Even if there is absolutely nothing you can do to better someone's situation, or if it honestly is a circumstance of their own poor choices, the very least we can do for one another is to have compassion and try to be understanding.  After all, who knows when it will be me, or you that makes a poor choice, or a stupid mistake that leads to more than we anticipated it would. 

What to do when you're bored

 

Play in the garden

 

Chase the cat around 

 

 

Learn to like new foods

 

While not giving up on old delicious foods

 

Check out an awesome (work in progress) bike

 

Watch fireworks! (but only on holidays sadly enough)

Utah drivers or Salt Lake drivers?

Welcome to Salt Lake! Beautiful mountains, sparkling lakes, trees and trails! And also some of the worst, most inconsiderate, rudest drivers I have ever had the misfortune to be around.  And I have driven in St George in the summertime.  And Logan, and Riverdale road during the week.  And yet, Salt Lake, you top them all.  St George was nothing to you, and the drivers there are often old and probably slightly senile.

For example, I slow down to trun and get honked at.  I stop at a YELLOW light and get honked at.  What is it with you people and your horns? Those I rolled my eyes at. But today, today tops them all.  Driving up 4500 on my way to the store I notice a big construction type truck in my rear view.  I don't think too much of it at first other than hoping he would slow down a little bit as he was coming up very fast on my bumper-- I could not speed up becasue I was already on the tail of the car in front of me hoping he wouldn't stop too suddenly.  As I came to the intersection I was aware of the aforementioned truck behind me in the turn lane.  I ignored him as I was busier watching the traffic.  The light was green, but it was not an arrow.  Meaning that I had to wait until there was sufficient clearance for me to turn.  Well, the oncoming traffic was two lane and constant.  There were not even gaps that I wondered if I should attempt to get through, no, there was a steady stream of traffic.  Behind me I heard the truck honk at me.  I simply rolled my eyes wondering if he had eyes to see the traffic.  Then the light turned red and the other lane got to go.  The next light was a green arrow.  The second it turned green I heard a blaring horn behind me from the truck.  I was already going, he did not need to be so impatient.  Then as I was driving down the street he sped up past me (keep in mind here I was already going 5 over the speed limit) and I thought I heard yelling.  I looked over to see him yelling apparently at me and flipping me off.  I got to the store rather shaken up, I do not understand what I personally did that was so offensive that warranted this kind of behavior.  For a minute I was truely afraid that he was going to try to run me off the road, really and honestly scared me. Is this how Sale Lake drivers act? No wonder you have the reputation for the worst drivers in the country.  Oh, and thanks for the warm welcome into your city.  It makes me feel so much happier about leaving my home and my friends to come here. 
PS. I don't know that I EVER remember anyone honking at me before I came here.
PSS. Ok, so there are SOME good drivers here. I have seen some people be courteous, but they seem few and far between.

Where oh where have my muses all gone

 I have three muses.  Correction, I had three muses.  Now they are gone away and I have no more interesting thoughts to blog about. Sunshine, Kelsi, Shasm, you know who you are, we need to hang out soon. I am not loving the great white north so much. I have no friends, I have no muses. Hence I have no great thoughts swirling around in my head to blog about simply to put to paper (figuratively) just to clear my head of all the ideas I used to have running around like wild things.  I need to return to the land of red rocks and visit all my friends.  Hopefully I will make friends here soon. Sooner rather than later. On Sunday I found myself recalling a post by Kelsi titled, having friends at church is overrated. I was rather feeling the same way this past weekend.

PS. My cousins I'm staying with are amazing!! they are just all very busy and I don't see them very often. 

Already Homesick

Why does the right thing to do have to be so hard?

Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder about people.  I see so many amazing people who are kind and selfless that I wonder.  I wonder what it is that makes them so incredibly good and what traits I could try to aquire to be more like them.  I understand the desire to be so Christlike, but sometimes the actual execution of such intentions is more difficult. 
But then I see so much bad in the world, so much greed, selfishness, back biting and intentional hurt that I wonder.  I wonder why these people do such horrible things, I don't understand it. I understand stumbling, making mistakes, it happens to everyone.  But I do not understand the intentional desire to do so.  To want to intentionally do things that you know will hurt others?  This I pray I never will understand in all honesty, I don't want to go down that road ever.  I suppose its kind of like losing your temper and saying things you don't mean, but again, I suppose many people do that from time to time, but it is different than calmly and deliberately saying or doing something.I still cannot fathom constantly and calmly putting others down and hurting them just for the sake of doing so.  And then walking away, seeming to feel no remorse for the pain such comments and actions cause. No, I do not understand this at all. I think I am grateful that I don't.

Peaceful

Beauty

The Mouse

This little adventure can only be fully appreciated by those who know me well and know just how much I hate mice.  They are dirty, creepy, disease ridden little creatures and I have never thought that they had any place anywhere in my house, ever.  At this point I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor of my room waiting for my bed frame to arrive.  We also had two fat yellow cats that lived with us: Toby and.. I don't remember the other one's name.   

I was laying in bed, I was still in that comfortable half awake, half asleep state and was avoiding getting up on my one and only day to sleep in.  Somewhere far off I kept hearing a scratching and scuffling noise.  After a little while I began to wonder what the noise was.  Slowly I pulled myself out of my warm blankets enough to look blurrily around the room.  I didn't have to look far.  Just above my head, within arms reach of my head, I saw a little grey mouse chewing on the edge of a cardboard box.  I flew out of bed and down the hallway so fast that my feet barely touched the ground.
I rushed into the laundry room where the two yellow cats lay curled up on top of a pile of towels.  I grabbed Toby off  the pile ignoring his loud meows protesting his rude awakening.
Upon reaching my bedroom I saw no trace of the mouse but I now heard scuffling noises coming from under my desk.  I stood on the only available chair in the room and yanked the desk away from the wall at the same time dropping Toby nearby so that he could chase the mouse.  Toby never caught the mouse, but he did give it good chase and eventually they made their way out of my room-- which was fine by me. Eventually I think it either got out of the house or got caught in one of the numerous traps we had set around the house. 

The Fire

Another story from my past.....

One evening my roommate made little tins of banana bread which had spilt a fair amount in the oven. She had to work very early and we didn’t use the oven very often, so she figured she would clean it up when she got off work the following day.

The next morning I sleepily stumbled into the kitchen thinking that tater tots sounded like a tasty breakfast and turned on the oven to preheat. I then left the room to go down the hall and get ready for work. After a little while (it really wasn’t a very long time at all) I smelled something that seemed not quite right. I walked into the kitchen to find it filled with smoke. Heart pounding, I rushed over the oven and yanked open the door to see orange flames leaping up getting larger and larger. I slammed the door shut and did the first thing that came to mind. I started to yell. Loudly. I wanted my roommates to come help me. Now, I’m not a screamer, even when the giant crow nearly came in the window I didn’t scream; so this really shows how terrified I was. Then I remembered that I was the only one home. Trying to calm down I ran to the fridge and began pulling everything out until I found the baking soda. I must have dumped the entire box on those flames but at least they went out. For a little while all I could do was sit there on the kitchen floor shaking and holding an empty box of baking soda. And that was the first (hopefully the last?) kitchen fire I have ever started. I then proceeded to put away all of the food I had pulled out of the still open refrigerator.

The Crow

So as I was going through some files and cleaning out my flash drive I came across a story I had written a couple of years ago that made me laugh pretty hard.  I don't know if it would make anyone else laugh.... part of the reason it was so funny to me is that I remembered the experiences so vividly.  The first one is about a crow.  I don't like crows, I think they are kind of creepy.

Early one Sunday morning I was leaning against the kitchen counter gazing idly out the window thinking about nothing in particular when a giant crow suddenly slammed into the partially open window. Its talons curled over the inside of the ledge and I could hear its beak tapping on the window as well as the huge black wings flapping against the glass. It seemed to be trying to fit its large form in through the narrow opening of the window! I ran back toward the hallway and in my panic tripped on the edge of the carpet where I could do nothing more than watch this massive dark shape flap and tap and finally fly away leaving nothing to indicate it was ever even there. I sat on the floor a moment in shock then got up and shakily closed the window. My roommates laughed and laughed when I later told them of this experience.  They were amused. It took me a little longer to be as amused as they were.

(Insert clever blog title here)

Zions!!

 

 

Emerald Pools-- upper pools