I need my muses back!

Mostly I need my car to pass inspection in the next two days so that I can drive it again. Then I can go visit my muses. I think that's why the past couple of weeks have been torture, I have no way to escape city life with my car on the blitz.  If only things would work out then maybe, just maybe I could get away for a weekend now and then.
The End

More adventures of being single

Conversation at work today between two of my coworkers went something like this:

S: "So this new guy I hired, he's a genius at using the new software, I'm sure glad we found him-- this younger generation knows how to use computers so well it never ceases to amaze me."
L: "Oh you hired a new guy? I heard something about that," (pauses to look at me significantly) "So you said he's young? How old is he?"
S: "Oh mid to late 20's I believe."
L: "Ah, so he's about the same age as our young lady over here (indicates me) here.  Is he single? And is he attractive?"
Even longer pause as I glance up to see two mischevious sets of eyes on me.  Both ladies are grinning ear to ear.
S: "Yep he's single all right.  And he really is attractive, if you like the tall dark handsome type that is."
I kept silent during this whole exchange, really, what could I possibly say.

Just Because

 

"Forget Yourself and Go to Work"

I remember a talk I heard by President Gordon B Hinkley several years back.  He was talking about his mission and how difficult a time he was having during his first few months out on his mission.  He wrote home expressing his frustration with his circumstances expressing concern that he was simply wasting time and resources in a fruitless endeavor.  His father responded in short: "Gordon, forget yourself and go to work."  President Hinkley certainly took these words to heart, and truly dedicated his life to the service of the Lord as well as his fellow men.
This is good council to follow I think, for all of us.  Keeping physically and mentally active is good.  Time and good works help to heal a lot.   These thoughts were mulling in my brain while I was working on a service project this past weekend.  I have not had much opportunity for physical exertion since moving and working outdoors and pulling weeds and such was amazing.
I guess where I'm trying to go with this thought is that eventually one does begin to get accustomed to insane drivers and traffic, even if you still silently freak out every time a car whips past you or stops mere inches from your back bumper at the light.  Broken hearts can begin to heal--however slowly-- even if one day you are fine and the next you are in tears again.  And eventually things get more familiar, you only get lost twice a week instead of daily.  You can slowly accept that you will not understand everything that is, even if you still wish you had a crystal ball instead.
Ok, so I'm kind of adjusting to the fact that nearly everything in my life has been turned upside down in the past couple of weeks.  I'm not saying that I am entirely happy with how things are.... but I'm oh so slowly learning to accept that I cannot control most of what is going on and that's just the way it is.  I may not like feeling like I have so little control over my life at present, but that is the way it is for the time being and short of quitting my job and becoming a bum on the streets, there is very little I can do that will make my life better at present and the best thing I can do is to accept it.
A quote on a talk by Elder John B Dickenson comes to mind: "I had only one arm.  I could do very little about that.  But my attitude about it, and life in general, was up to me."
Well, I'm living in a city I don't love, being single which I don't love, but there is very little I can do about either of those circumstances.  So I guess it's time I got an attitude change.  We shall see how it goes.

Chicken Soup for the Soul

Once upon a time my parents were big on the Chicken Soup for the Soul books.  Here is an excerpt from one of the books that entertained me greatly:  (no copyright intended, all anecdotes are property of Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul "What I wish I had known sooner")

-Don't drink grapejuice while wearing a white t-shirt and driving to school.
-Don't let your life wait for other people.
-Dropping a cell phone into a bathtub full of water kinda kills the phone.
-Your mother will find out if you dye your hair purple.
-If it hurts, DON'T DO IT AGAIN
-That which does not kill you will ultimately make you stronger
-Don't sprint around the pool if you're trying to impersonate Jim from Huck Finn
-Zits always pop up when you really can't afford for them to pop up
-All that's gold doesn't glisten
-When in doubt, duck.  When certain, don't bother cause you're already screwed.
-When driving a car through a gate, always, always, make sure the gate is open-- the consequences may be  fatal to your car.
-If you're not living ( I mean really living), you're already dead.
-Never pierce your belly button in the dark.
-Being nice to people will get you far.
-Dreaming and doing go hand in hand.
-Life moves fast, but not so fast that you can't slow down to enjoy it.
-Instead of waiting for life to get better, do something about it.
-The one person you can truly love is often right in front of you.
-Smart people can do very stupid things.

The adventures of being older, single,LDS, female, and living in Utah

There are many.

First, people are always asking "Why is a nice girl like you is still single?"  or "Now why hasn't someone snatched you up yet?"  or "Why don't you date more?".  To these I always shrug and say, I don't know-ask the guys! If I knew what I was doing to scare them all away I could possibly stop scaring them all away.  (Barely refraining from adding the "duh" here)

Then you get the, Don't you want to get married? Ok, so this has only been asked of me a couple of times and by young 19-20 newlyweds that give you the big eyed stare as if you are dying of some disease or something.  They assume that if you are still single it must be by your choice alone.

And lets not forget the constant "Oh I have a nephew/cousin/brother/neighbor/neighbors nephew/neighbors cousin/2nd cousin... who is older/shy/short/cute, so you two would be perfect for each other!" If I had a nickel for every time I've heard some variation on this phrase.  Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment when it comes from my family or friends who mean well, but after so many setups/failures it does get a bit depressing.  I don't do so well on set up dates... I just never know how to be myself.  

And every time you get a wedding invite in the mail, the senders seem to get younger and younger.  I have friends who graduated high school after I graduated college who are married or engaged.  Then at the reception there are generally always the comments along the lines of "So when is it your turn young lady?" and "Better get up in front so you have better odds at catching that bouquet..." meaning I need all the luck I can get? At least I do run into old friends as well.  At one in particular I remember seeing several of my good friends from high school.  They were there with their husbands and kids.  I remember looking around at all the happy couples with their children, busy discussing with one another plans for decorating and maintaining their houses and such.  As I watched and caught snippets of conversation I couldn't help but think so, I have no degree (yet) no car, no house, no husband, no children... wow, I feel great right about now. The self pity wore off fairly quickly, but occasionally returns here and there.

On that topic, we have to bring up the "Everyone moves at their own pace, you just haven't moved on to that stage yet." Always, always mentioned by someone who has moved on to that stage.  Also always mentioned by someone who really does care.  It's good advice, but has never honestly made me feel better about the old single stage I am currently getting deeper and deeper into. It just makes me feel as though I am falling further behind where I would like to be in life and getting more stuck someplace I do not want to be.